Business Speaker

2009-07-24T22:56:00.002+01:00

Barack was boring
by Graham Davies

President Obama's announcement of his plans for the American Healthcare System was the worst presentational performance of his Presidency.

His main narrative speech was competent, but not inspired, by his standards. When he presents straight to a camera, as opposed to catering mainly for the live audience in front of him, he loses alot of his innate warmth. When he is talking to a piece of glass instead of a group of human beings, he becomes a little less human himself.

But his real weakness showed during the Q&A phase after his initial speech. Even though he clearly knew what the first question was going to be, he didn't provide a head-on answer. Instead, the Leader of the Free World simply rambled. On and on. Seemingly without an end in sight.

This pattern was repeated throughout the rest of the event. Ironically, when Obama is speaking to a crowd of 200,000, he can make it sound like conversational dialogue. But when he is answering a difficult question from one person, he indulges in uncomfortable monologue.

Admittedly, healthcare has perhaps been the most insoluble issue for every US President for the last 20 years.

But it is when the issues get tough that tough presenters should get going.

2009-07-20T21:56:00.005+01:00

Watson won
by Graham Davies

Stewart Cink went home with the Claret Jug on Sunday night, but the real winner of the Open was Tom Watson. Every man over 40 was shouting for him and now every man over 50 worships him. He has shown that age does not have to be a barrier to achievement. Tom did not turn the clock back. He just made the clock seem irrelevant.

He has become a Giant among men. But Tom's real stature comes, not from the way he swings a club, but from the way he presents himself under pressure. No matter how difficult things were, he projected the sort of dignified calm that we would all like to be able to access when a few million people are watching us.

The real Open loser was Tiger Woods. His petulant thrashing of his clubs was an embarassment and an appalling example for young golfers to follow. He may have won more Majors than Watson, but I would prefer to have Tom at one of my dinner parties.

One of the best ways of assessing someone is to look carefully at how they come across when things are going badly. No-one reading this can hope to win as many golf tournaments as Tiger Woods. But you can aspire to have a personal presentational brand as stylish as that of Tom Watson.

2009-07-13T09:59:00.004+01:00

Get Lost, Harman
by Graham Davies

I am proud to be a Northerner. I will always put HP sauce on every piece of red meat that I eat, and I will always be slightly suspicious of people with plummy voices. I regard these attributes as strengths.

Harriet Harman now feels that people like me should be the beneficiaries of Positive Discrimination if we apply for certain types of jobs in the Public Sector. For my interview, perhaps I should remember to bring my whippets and wear my cloth cap. When asked to describe the Conservative Party, I should say that they are a bunch of Southern Bastards (lots of people do that anyway).

On behalf of my fellow grockles in the Provinces, I would like to tell Harman that she can take her discrimination, put it in the appropriate receptacle and then flush.

2009-07-07T08:27:00.003+01:00

Sarah is too late
by Graham Davies

The aggressive skills that helped to get Gordon Brown to the top will not necessarily keep him there. He still wins some arguments, but very few friends.

This is where his advisers hope that Sarah Brown just might make a difference. Gordon does not do small talk. He doesn't do medium talk either. He finds it difficult to listen to anyone, including his senior colleagues. Apparently, every meeting with him involves note-taking and point-scoring rather than genuine dialogue.

He does have a sensitive and caring side (remember his speech about Ivan Cameron), but he can't access it automatically. His (shrinking) inner circle hope that her robust charm will help to break down the barriers between the Brownmeister and ordinary mortals. They think that she can be a conversation catalyst.

They are desperately wrong. Every time the public sees Sarah presenting herself in such a charmingly robust, but understated and unselfish way, it only serves to highlight the personal failings of the man she is trying to prop up.

2009-07-06T05:54:00.003+01:00

Goodbye Palin?
by Graham Davies

Resignation was the only option. You see, it's just so tedious being in charge of a wilderness, especially when its inhabitants are keen on investigating all the little mistakes you make in office. And you you just can't maintain your profile in the national media when your base is 6 hours flying time from the rest of the country.

Alaska is just too small a place for someone of Palin's talent. She has a God-given duty to make herself more readily accessible to the American people. Look at what she's got going for her:

An ability to tell old jokes again and again. Her variations on the Pitbull theme have been around longer than the animal itself
The energy to sell cliches as though Oscar Wilde had just thought of them ("Only dead fish go with the flow")
An unlimited capacity for believing the publicity she reads on her own web-site

She would be wasted in the role of President. With this sort of presentational armoury, she simply must become a Professional Speaker instead.

2009-07-03T15:46:00.002+01:00

Relaxed George
by Graham Davies

George Osborne is facing an investigation into his personal financial conduct. However, he has let it be known that he is "relaxed" about it.

George has always been a relaxed sort of chap, even when he used to spend some of his time drinking at the Bullingdon Club. Many of us would feel less tension if we could rely on family wealth instead of having to make a living. George's relaxation is the type that goes with having a daddy who is very rich indeed.

Mind you, if you decide to got to a party on a Russian yacht with Peter Mandelson, or make a factually inaccurate allegation of misconduct against the Prime Minister, relaxation very quickly becomes ridiculous. Or rather careless.

If you are ever facing a crisis in which your integrity is being called into question, never let the word "relaxed" be the presentational adjective that is used to describe you.

However, George's real problem is not that looks relaxed. A more accurate word would be just plain smug.

2009-06-28T19:50:00.002+01:00

Corporate Rudeness

by Graham Davies

Meetings cancelled at the last minute. Unanswered emails. Promised documents not sent. Phone calls interrupted by you being placed on hold. These are typical examples of Corporate Rudeness in 2009. But if you think they should just be ignored, then you are part of the problem.

Every time you ignore this sort of behaviour, you are encouraging the perpetrator to treat you badly again. And again.

I call these things squelches, named after the annoying sound you hear on a computer when it refuses to accede to a reasonable request. Each individual squelch from a business contact may well not amount to much. Nevertheless, always make a note every time you receive one.

This is not merely so that you can nurse a grudge. Each squelch is an indication that you should be careful about how you deal with that person in the future. A high cumulative score on the Squelchometer means that you should simply not trust that person, or go out of your way to help them when your time could be spent on more worthy people.

I have found that a sequence of minor squelches are clear warning signs of a major squelch (cancellation of a contract, breathtaking verbal rudeness, offensively inaccurate criticism of work done).

A serial squelcher is someone that you must decide never to take any shit from again, no matter how big a client they are.

Get rid of them before they dump on you.

2009-06-24T18:42:00.004+01:00

The Speaker has no clothes
by Graham Davies

Or at least none like the bloke before him had.

Instead of a velvet waistcoat, winged collar and bands, Jon Bercow has decided to wear a modern business suit. This has horrified many tradtionalists.

Jack Holland, who owns the tailoring company that makes the old-style garb, feels that Bercow has made a dangerous choice....because he has thrown away the visual badges of office that helped to encourage respect for the position. He also points out that the old Speaker's Wig was a very useful device when it came to pretending not to hear comments that were best ignored.

Mr Holland's views are a superb illustration of why it is time to say Goodbye to the pantomime costume. No-one could respect the mumbling incompetence of Michael Martin even if his clothes were made on Krypton.

It is time for the House of Commons to go Cold Turkey from Expenses Addiction, and the new look epitomises the new attitiude. John Bercow's visual Micro-Message is No More Traditional Clothes, No More Traditional Bullshit.

2009-06-23T00:07:00.003+01:00

The Speaker Speaks
by Graham Davies

There was an evening a few years ago when John Bercow was taking questions from the floor after a speech he had given to his constituency Conservative Association. The event ran past the expected finish time and eventually someone asked the Chairman, "Do we have time for one more question?"

The Chairman glanced at his watch and said, "Probably. But we certainly don't have time for one of John's answers."

Within his own party, what Bercow lacked in popularity, he always made up for in sheer length. There was even a time when he used to run public speaking courses for Tory candidates. He is a genuine enthusiast of spoken communication.

I am not too bothered whether he is a Traditionalist, a Reformist or a Couldntgiveatossist. I am just delighted that, at long last, the House of Commons has got a Speaker who can actually Speak.

2009-06-16T20:38:00.003+01:00

Risky Presenting
by Graham Davies

This is a brief summary of a keynote that I delivered at the AIRMIC Conference in Bournemouth today. It won't make much sense unless you were there....and you were listening!

STEP 1: AUDIENCE RISK ASSESSMENT
There is no excuse for not doing this. Always ask 5 questions:
Who exactly are they?
Why are they there in that room?
What do they expect to hear?
What do they need to hear (often a different answer to the immediately preceding question)?
What must you give them in the presentation that guarantees that you get what you want from having given the presentation?

NB Most people have a shorter attention span than they did 3 years ago. Treat an audience as being full of Director/Driver types, unless you have good reason to suppose otherwise.

STEP 2: DECIDE ON YOUR FINISHING POSITION
This what you want the audience to know, think or feel by the time you have finished speaking.

STEP 3: FORGE A MICRO-MESSAGE
That crystallises what you would say if you only had 10 seconds in which to say it.

STEP 4: BRAINSTORM 3 KEY ELEMENTS FROM THE MICRO-MESSAGE
Only the stuff they must know should make the cut.

STEP 5: SHARPEN A SPIKE FOR BOTH ENDS OF THE SPEAR.

SO......say it, support it.....and SHUT IT.

ANY POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE COMMENTS WOULD BE VERY WELCOME.

IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION, I PROMISE TO ANSWER IT WITHIN 24 HOURS.

2009-06-10T20:09:00.003+01:00

Gordon the Gob
by Graham Davies

Ramsay this time, not Brown.

I don't mind him comparing a high-profile Australian female TV presenter to a fat pig. It 's not clever, funny or remotely entertaining, but it doesn't upset me. And the presenter in question had the chance to carry out a pretty good counter-strike. On her own show she pointed out that the state of Gordon's marriage was a good indication of how effective he is in the way he presents himself to women.

Essentially, I have no problem with the Gob verbally attacking people who are in a position to give him a good kicking in return.

What I do find obnoxious is the way he likes to abuse people who are not able to hit back...the ones who just have to take it, like the back-stage crew and make-up team for his Australian TV show.

Fortunately, all this was nicely captured on camera, so this is not mere hearsay. The petty bully in him has been properly exposed.

I look forward to appearing on one of his programmes. Brace yourself and see what happens.

2009-06-09T21:19:00.004+01:00

Gordon the Rhino
by Graham Davies

To lose two Government Ministers is careless. To lose eleven is comically catastrophic. But Gordon Brown's main presentational asset is not his academic brain...it is his thick skin.

It takes a remarkable man to be able to sit through a sequence of several speeches by senior colleagues, all of whom shared the same Micro-Message: your continued presence is destroying us.

Of course, because the Labour Party is so, well...laborious in its electoral procedures, it would take months to force him out, no matter how many MPs were against him. This means that Gordon can relish the prospect of peddling the following lines over the next few weeks:

I am confident that the Party has full confidence in me
The Euro-Election results were certainly not a vote of no confidence in me by the general public
I am supremely confident of leading Labour to victory in the next General Election

This would be quite some Confidence Trick. But, unlike Margaret Thatcher, Brown will not end his career by quitting. His Micro-Message to the world is still Bollocks to all of you, I'm staying.

2009-06-05T16:45:00.003+01:00

Careful in Cairo
by Graham Davies

Obama's performance in Cairo was largely an exercise in academic speechmaking. He was using the words and tone of a Thinker, not a Warrior.

It was a carefully calculated construction. He had clearly taken advice from a variety of sources to make sure that his religious references were entirely accurate. And his use of quotes from the Koran was very clever indeed. Imagine the horror if George W Bush had ever tried this!

He apologised for some past American mistakes and was careful to say how important is the role of Islam in his own country. He struck a note of thoughtful, but firm reconciliation which could never have been within reach of his predecessor. It was a solid, if somewhat bland, performance.

But the speech did not have a strong, compelling and memorable Micro-Message. There was nothing strikingly new that would inspire the Muslim world to bury the past and move on to the future.

Perhaps this is a blessing. This was not the time for simplistic slogans ("Yes We Khan!!?"). This was never likely to be a speech that changed the world. But perhaps it has opened the door for a a change of attitude.

2009-06-04T11:31:00.002+01:00

Cameron's Silly PR Delay
by Graham Davies

Gordon Brown has run out of presentational cards. The "safe-pair-of-hands-in-a-crisis" card has been used too often. The "better-the-devil-you-know" card is just as unattractive to his own MPs as it is to the electorate.

With the Brown Beast at bay, Cameron should be presenting the Conservatives as being ready to fight an election at any time. He has tried a rather silly PR stunt instead: he has called for more people to apply for the Conservative Party Candidate's list. This is his way of saying that Fresh Faces my mean Fresh Politics.

It is a difficult and demanding process just getting on this list. And Cameron has not mentioned to the public that there are already more than 800 people on it. 100s more have now applied.

Of course, there could be several more Tory MPs that fall victim to Expenses Flu. But I am certain that there will be no more than a total of 25 Tory-held seats that will need to select a new candidate. Competition will be even more intense than it was before. I am also certain that none of those Constituency Associations will be remotely interested in selecting someone who has just decided that he has become interested in full-time politics within the last fortnight.

The influx onto the list has meant that some selections which were going to occur in May have been delayed to the Autumn, so as to give the newcomers chance to take part.

The bottom line is that Cameron's call for more people to join the game has had the effect of making his party less ready to fight an election. This is a bad mistake.

2009-05-31T17:06:00.006+01:00

Steven Gerrard: Superstar
by Graham Davies

Steven Gerrard is a man who has every reason to be happy with who he is, where he is going, and how he presents himself while he's getting there. I can say this even as a sulking Manchester United supporter.

Last Friday, I was the guest speaker at the Football Writers Association Dinner, where he was receiving their Player of the Year award. The first speaker was Fabio Capello, then Steve and then me. It was about as easy as speaking in the Vatican just after the Pope.

Fabio managed to present for a smiling and affable 45 seconds, which seemed to be almost entirely in Italian, apart from the phrase "must win our next qualifying match two-nil". This got a suitably intense and patriotic burst of applause which he wisely took as the cue to sit down. We then saw a spectacular Sky Sports video, showing the highlights of the Gerrard season, which was the perfect intro for the Man Himself.

Steve will never be a professional speaker. He doesn't exactly need the money. But this was an utterly charming professional performance. He came across as the same nice guy that I was chatting to at the VIP reception about his favourite Starbucks in Southport.

I suppose it was just a string of thank yous...but each one of them genuine. It was a real contrast to last year's half-hearted contribution from Ronaldo, who gave the impression that he was doing everyone a favour just by showing up.

And he didn't bugger about with any rambling repetition. Steve followed the formula for the perfect acceptance speech: Be Nice, Be Grateful, Be Off.

And then after my own sparkling piece, there was a massive, but slow movement among the 700 people of the audience. About half of them walked up to the top table and calmly formed a line for an autograph on their menus....all of which were patiently signed over the next hour. You see, Steven Gerrard is not some crass Football Idol that you mob. He is a Gentleman that you queue up for.

In my book, that is the mark of a real star.

2009-05-31T15:03:00.002+01:00

Susan's Got Issues
by Graham Davies

A few weeks ago, I predicted that Susan Boyle would win Britain's Got Talent. In fact, I was right. The first few seconds of her first performance guaranteed a record contract. It also guaranteed that she would be remembered long after last night's "winners".

But she has problems. Big personal problems that will not go away in a hurry, not just difficulties about the way she presents herself.

This rather horrible TV programme desperately needed her. And the ruthless leaking of the fact that she needed help from counsellors just to stop her quitting the show inevitably increased viewing figures. Having had their voyeuristic appetites whetted by seeing a small girl crying live on TV during one of the semi-finals, I have no doubt that a significant number of sadists tuned in hoping to see her crash and burn.

I hope that Susan makes a lot of money and that all her dreams come true. I hope that Simon Cowell's callous creativity makes her happy.

But it's time that everyone realised that the whole concept is designed to take advantage of the weak, not empower them. It's time ITV were honest, and changed the name of the show......to Britain's Got Freaks.

2009-05-28T12:50:00.003+01:00

Comical Kirkbride
by Graham Davies

Bad expense claims and bad crisis presentation are both distinctive features of the Mackay/Kirkbride household.

Mackay has the initial handicap of his facial appearance. Kirkbride's handicap is her voice. When she is trying to sound concerned on television, it comes across as a simper. Just as when Hazel Blears was saying that the most important relationship in her life was that with her constituents, Kirkbride has the knack of making the viewer want to throw heavy objects at the screen.

She has deliberately avoided calling an Open Meeting in her constituency, presumably because her husband did not come back from a similar event in Bracknell saying, "That was loads of fun, darling. You ought to try one yourself. Most invigorating!"

She is clearly hoping that the storm against her will blow itself out, and that she can hang on by...er, just saying that she will hang on. This is is the presentational equivalent of sticking her fingers in her ears and saying,"La la la...can't hear, can't hear!"

This somewhat limited technique (often used successfully by presenters 40 years younger) won't work this time.

Kirkbride worked for several years at the Telegraph as a Political Journalist. I bet she is wishing that she still did.

2009-05-25T22:03:00.004+01:00

Indifferent Obama
by Graham Davies

When he has enough time to prepare and practise, Barack Obama is one of the world's great political presenters. But his statement responding to North Korea's nuclear test showed how unprofessional he is when he has to speak at short notice.

It was clearly a sequence of words drafted in a hurry by a State Department official. It was full of predictable phrasing ("we will re-double our efforts...") and even more predictable sentiments (when was the last time that you heard of international sanctions successfully persuading a dictator to change his ways?)

But the words were positively brilliant compared to the way that they were delivered. Actually, they were just read out....in a bland, quiet and emotionally detached way that suggested Barrack has been inspired by the Speaker's recent performances (see recent blogs).

He fell into the old politician's stilted technique of only saying words in groups of 3 or 4 at a time...mainly because he was reading them for the first time just as he was saying them. He has also developed an annoying habit of lifting his voice up or down right at the end of a sentence, like an over-chatty Australian who always sounds like he is asking questions.

Part of Obama's charm is his sheer presentational transparency. Sadly, that also means that it is very obvious when he is saying merely adequate words that have just been put into his mouth by someone else.

2009-05-25T21:37:00.004+01:00

How NOT to be interviewed on TV
by Graham Davies

Andrew Mackay MP suffers from the presentational handicap of having a face that looks as though it has walked into a door slightly too often. Over the weekend, he gave a Masterclass in how not to be interviewed on television.

He had just bluffed his way through an emergency meeting called to discuss (well, condemn) his recent expenses creativity. The meeting was either "lively" or "brutal", depending on your perspective. There is no doubt that another speaker at the meeting called him a thieving toad.

He was then interviewed a few yards away from the meeting hall in which his voters had given him such a good kicking. Naturally, a few of the audience members were interested to see how he would perform on Sky News.

He proceeded to say that 75% of the attendees had been there to support him. This provoked someone to start heckling the interview, something which clearly delighted the producer of the news segment, who told the cameraman to give the heckler/interrupter/concerned member several seconds of airtime. Mackay's already crisis-laden face twisted into utter horror, as he realised that he had been hijacked.....and his political career was over.

Mackay had made the mistake of not controlling the controllable. No matter how pushy the interviewer was, he should have insisted on a quiet location for any Q and A on camera.

If you are ever likely to be subjected to a crisis television interview, always make sure that it takes place well away from anyone who has a massive interest in wrecking your Micro-Message and getting their own agenda across instead.

2009-05-21T00:40:00.002+01:00

Ridiculous Rantsen
by Graham Davies

There is something more obnoxious than a dishonest politician: a pampered celebrity pretending to be an honest politician.

Our MPs may well be greedy, slippery, arrogant and deceitful. And that's just the good ones. But all of them worked very hard over a period of many years to get where they are. In trying to satisfy their lust for status, none of them have been lazy.

But Esther Rantzen wants to organise her celebrity chums to into forming a little group of Crusaders for Right and Justice. She is certain that her jolly campaigns on behalf of consumers qualify her for politics.

TV Celebrities forget that fame and self-righteousness are no substitute for political experience. After all, Martin Bell achieved nothing in Parliament except proving that white suits should be left to the Man from Del Monte. Stephen Fry showed just how ignorant he is by proclaiming that expenses "are just not that important".

We certainly need a new breed in Parliament...a new breed of politician. Not a breed of famous names who would be lost without an auto-cue.

2009-05-20T10:46:00.002+01:00

Goodbye to a Bad Speaker
by Graham Davies

With a duration of 33 seconds, the Speaker's resignation statement was probably 20 seconds too long. If anything, it was an even worse presentation performance than he had managed the previous day.

He didn't bother to learn it. He spoke in with a whispered, almost effeminate voice. If it wasn't for the high-tech microphone system built into his throne, no-one in the House would have been able to hear him. And worst of all, he only looked up once from his script. He is clearly too embarrassed...or still too arrogant...to look the world in the eye.

This was not a contrite and humble man. This was a graceless goodbye. Never forget that he only resigned because he eventually realised that he would lose the vote, and not because it was the right thing to do.

My final verdict: not only is he a very poor Speaker, but he is also a very poor speaker.

2009-05-18T23:16:00.002+01:00

Roast Speaker Anyone?
by Graham Davies

This afternoon I sat in the Stranger's Gallery of the House of Commons so that I could see first hand whether the Speaker deserved to survive.

He produced the worst example of high-pressure presenting that I have ever seen. He read out his statement without once looking at the audience who were judging him. His voice had all the power and sincerity of a man checking through someone else's shopping list.

It wasn't just a bad speech. It was pathetic.

He then went on to squirm and wriggle his way around the question of whether MP's would be allowed to vote on his future. This is typical of his cowardice: hiding behind a technicality when he should be facing up to what he has done.

His performance poured napalm on the bonfire that the House is building for him. But such is his blind arrogance that he still cannot see that his credibility has already melted away.

I repeat the last 2 sentences of my last blog.

2009-05-14T09:55:00.002+01:00

The Speaker Thug
by Graham Davies

Just because they were elected by secret ballot does not mean that MPs should have secret expenses. However, this is not a view shared by the Speaker of the House. He was the one who led the fight to stop the disclosure. Worse than that, he has acted like a petulant child over the last 3 days.

The Speaker is meant to be the arbiter of Fair Play in the House of Commons: the man who ensures that the rules are obeyed. He is definitely not meant to defend the selfish interests of MPs at all costs.

He has made it quite clear that he is more upset about the leaking of expenses claims than he is about the inherent dishonesty involved in the claims themselves. Any MP bold enough to question his behaviour has been rudely squashed. He has shown a Soviet intolerance for opinions other than his own.

If Cameron comes across as a smug Head Boy, the Speaker is most certainly the School Bully.

The way he presents himself and the way he presents the credibility of the Mother of Parliaments is simply not good enough. It is time for the House to show some collective balls at long last.

They have to get rid of him. Immediately.

2009-05-14T09:20:00.003+01:00

Hollow Cameron
by Graham Davies

David Cameron has tried to present himself as a strong, decisive and virtuous leader over the issue of expenses. He has failed.

His speech yesterday included a carefully-rehearsed dose of indignation and horror that colleagues of his could possibly have acted in such an appalling way. This injection of emotion is utterly false....because Cameron has known about all this for months, or maybe even for years.

He has only reacted now because the Daily Telegraph has caught the House of Commons with its collective trousers down. He comes across, yet again, as the pompous Head Prefect puttting on an act to impress the teachers.

Can anyone believe that he really did not know what his whoop of Old Etonian chums were up to? That one of them was asking for a sympathetic attitude to his claim for household expenses because "it takes 4 hours to mow the lawn"?

Politicians have an endless capacity to disappoint. Just to emphasize this, yesterday I received a letter from the Kensington and Chelsea Conservative association. They were asking for money. I tore it up and threw it in the bin.

2009-05-11T11:35:00.002+01:00

The Drogba Effect
by Graham Davies

Here is the text of an email written a couple of days ago by a certain Norwegian referee:

"Dear Didier,

This is just a short note to thank you and your Chelsea colleagues, especially Messrs Terry and Ballack, for your immediate feedback on my refereeing performance during the Barcelona match. It is very easy for an official to become too aloof from the players on the pitch. However, the sheer professional maturity of your comments meant that they came close to making me change my mind about all 4 of my penalty decisions.

In fact, if you had only shouted, waved your finger and bulged your eyeballs at me a bit more during the game instead of immediately afterwards, you could be looking forward to finishing off your season in Rome instead of Wigan.

But no hard feelings, eh? Next time you will know that referees, who are all overpaid compared to long-suffering players, really need as much help, guidance and swearing as possible while doing their job.

Anyway, cheers.....oh, and you might want to get that thyroid problem sorted out."

2009-05-06T20:37:00.004+01:00

Don't Twitter
by Graham Davies

There is a clue in the name, which suggests the valueless squeaking of insignificant creatures.

Twittering is a presentational liability, because it encourages you to engage your thumbs on a keyboard before you have properly engaged your brain. This is especially true if you twitter the content of someone else's speech while they are still speaking. It is extremely difficult to listen to something, form an opinion, think of the words that encapsulate that opinion and then type them out....at the same time as listening to what the speaker is saying next.

A skilled news professional can just about do it...as long as what he is conveying is essentially reportage with very little personal opinion.

But if anyone else tries, their immediate and unconsidered opinion-spouting will get in the way of careful listening. There is a real danger of inaccuracy.

You should be very careful about sending an email that is read by one person. You should be enormously careful about sending a communication that could be read by thousands of people. Inaccuracy and inadequate analysis could lead to annoyance, ill-will and defamation proceedings.

In communication, spontaneity and speed can be good things. Careful analysis and calculation are better.

So, don't Twitter immediately unless you don't mind looking a twit. And I've cleaned that up a bit.

2009-04-30T14:40:00.002+01:00

Welcome Gurkhas
by Graham Davies

Stuff Party Politics. It was certainly an unlikely alliance of Tory, Lib Dem and Labour MPs who defeated the government's attempt to exclude as many Gurkhas as possible from living here. But it was a victory for decency and simple fair play.

Kilo for kilo, the Gurkhas are the fiercest warriors in the world. Their height is inversely proportional to their bravery and loyalty to the British Crown. The role they have played in the security of this country has never been properly repayed in terms of long-term security for them and their families.

The Gurkhas are loyal, patriotic and hard-working....just the sort of people I would like living in my country. In fact, I would rather have them than many people who were actually born here.

You can give your life for us, but you can't live with us is a presentational Micro-Message that has that has hopefully died forever.

2009-04-16T20:00:00.004+01:00

The Susan Effect
by Graham Davies

It happens exactly 2 minutes and 3 seconds into the video....a video that has been watched more than 21 million times on You Tube in less than 6 days. It was the moment that Susan Boyle received a standing ovation from a packed theatre for the first two notes of what will most certainly be a brilliant singing career. At the same time she struck a blow for every 40 something who has ever thought that their dream will never come true.

There was hardly a dry seat in the house.

There are some presentation coaches that will tell you that most of anyone's personal impact will always come from how they look. They get this from a widely discredited study that was carried out nearly 40 years ago.

Susan has a very plain appearance....so plain, that you can see some audience members cringing in anticipation of what they have already decided will be an entertainment train wreck. Simon Cowell was clearly relishing the chance to demonstrate his Black Belt in Condesencion. But he really should have realised that something special was about to happen from the bubbling confidence that was obvious in every word that came out of her mouth.

And then the Boyle brilliance burst forth.

You don't have to be a singer to learn from Susan Boyle. The next time you are listening to a presentation, decide nothing about the presenter until well after they have opened their mouth.

And the next time you give a presentation, have the same attitude that Susan showed the first time that she said these words into a sneering camera lens:

I am going to make that audience ROCK.

2009-04-15T07:04:00.003+01:00

1997 again
by Graham Davies

It is very difficult for a 12 year old government to present itself in a new way. In his Party Conference speech last October, Gordon Brown tried to re-brand Labour as the party that would create a "New Settlement" for the people of this country.

As a micro-message, it was both bkland and opaque. At the time, few people knew what he meant. 6 months later, few people can remember that he said it.

This is a government that has not run out of steam. It has run out of the will to live. The Parliamentary Labour Party is entirely aware of the uncomforatable similarities with the last year of the Major regime. There is a stale aroma of sleaze, individual abuse of privilege and general lack of competence.

And they just don't have any credible new ideas about fixing the economy that vary much from spending as much as possible with one hand and crossing the fingers of the other.

If Gordon Brown were the Chief Executive of a PLC, he would have had to resign, together with his top management team, many months ago. Perhaps he could have enjoyed a few laughs with Fred Goodwin at an undisclosed tropical location.

But our political system does not include a process for paying off a PM that we really should be rid of. Shame really.

2009-04-12T19:42:00.002+01:00

Private Email?
by Graham Davies

E mails are a seductive weapon. They are easy to write and even easier to send.

Unfortunately, once you have sent one , you can't take it back. As a former adviser to the PM was telling me recently.

You Tube has ensured that the presentational mistakes of politicians and celebrities will long outlive them. But you don't have to have a high profile to fall foul of the sheer longevity of cyber-communication.

So...take my advice: when you write an email, assume that the 10 people in the world that you would least like to see it, will see it.

Once you have mastered this, you can then work for Gordon Brown.

2009-04-12T19:25:00.002+01:00

Apology to Police
by Graham Davies

I would like to humbly apologise to the Tactical Support Group of the Metropolitan Police. The blog I wrote 3 days ago is grossly inaccurate. I wrongly implied that an officer had assaulted a "protestor". In fact, he was an Evening Standard Vendor on his way home from work.

It is this sort of appalling slander that has seen the resignation of a high-profile political adviser over the last 48 hours. I am consumed with anguish, because the officer clearly suspected Ian Tomlinson of Selling Newspapers in an Offensive Manner. Immediate force was necessary to prevent uncontrolled dissemination of tabloid journalism.

The officer in question has now been suspended, but not questioned. We still do not know why he was wearing a balaclava or why he had covered up his epaulettes. I would be shocked if anyone were to suggest that these were ploys to conceal his identity. He was clearly the sort of public servant that wanted to keep his uniform clean even in the midst of a riot.

But we do know why he has not been questioned. Apparently, he is recovering from a heart attack.

I wish the same could be said of Ian Tomlinson.

2009-04-08T14:31:00.004+01:00

G20 Death
by Graham Davies

I can hear the policeman's defence in court already: "The protestor was walking away from me in a threatening manner and the way he had his hands in his pockets made me fear for my life. I was forced to defend myself by hitting him with my baton."

There are many people in this country who feel that demonstrators get what they deserve...after all, they should not have been protesting if they didn't want trouble.

Those people are just plain wrong. Tolerance of mass protest is one of the things that distinguishes us from countries like Russia, China, France and a whole host of more demcocratic entities. This country has always presented itself as a haven of free speech. I hope it always will.

Demonstrations have to be policed. But in Britain it has to be done carefully. Because that is what Britain is all about: a country where the Rule of Law is obeyed by citizens and the police.

Fortunately, there is video footage which will be carefully studied by the Police Complaints Authority and the Crown Prosecution Service. This may well lead to a policeman being prosecuted....something which would never happen in the countries mentioned above.

Policemen do break the rules here, but they will not always get away with it.

The British feel that we are better than other countries. It is the Rules that make us better.

2009-04-07T20:10:00.002+01:00

Hamilton's Trouser Inferno
by GrahamDavies

William the Conqueror. Alfred the Great. Ivan the Terrible (and his wife Blodwyn the Dreadfully Disappointed).....the concept of Personal Presentational Branding has been around a long time.

But in 2009, it is easier to build up an image quickly, especially a bad one....and it's the bad ones that are the most difficult to shake off.

Lewis Hamilton is just finding this out. I am not an afficionado of motor racing, so the reasons why the Team Director needed Lewis to mis-speak are not entirely clear to me. Lewis himself says that he did it because he was told to.

This is a defence that has not worked in the courts of Law or Public Opinion since Nuremberg in 1946. It does not sound like a good reason for him to set his pants on fire in the pit lane.

This is desperately sad. Hamilton has become a role model for people who strive to succeed despite disadvantaged backgrounds. But the sheer effort he has put into this has been severely devalued because of this latest episode.

He will have to work very hard over a long period of time to re-brand himself again as an Inspiring Champion instead of Lewis the Liar.

2009-04-04T19:34:00.003+01:00

Queen of Hugs
by Graham Davies

The content of the speech was trite and obvious. But the pupils of Elizabeth Garret Anderson School were delighted to be given the old you-can-be-whatever-you-want-to-be-if-you-work-hard-and-love-your-parents stuff that their teachers have already told them many times. In fact, they gave her the sort of screamingly hysterical response that once would have been reserved for Boyzone.

Clichés are certainly more effective when they are presented by the First Lady.....even if she did seem surprised that the USA does not have a monopoly on charming, polite and well brought-up schoolgirls.

But it was not her words that the audience wanted. They wanted her touch. It was delightful to see the Secret Service bodyguards pale at the impending stampede when she announced "I do hugs as well". Michelle will never be a speaker that challenges an audience's intellect. But the world does have room for a presenter who is so indisputably, unequivocally and comprehensively nice.

2009-04-04T13:01:00.004+01:00

Politics of Porn
by Graham Davies

What is the difference between Politics and Pornography? If you can't jerk off to it....it's Politics.

As I continue my computer-based weekend social life, I am still staggered that Jaqui Smith's Husband bought porn movies at the taxpayer's expense while working in the House of Commons as her assistant...her, um, Right Hand Man.

It is both an ethical and financial misjudgement of enormous proportions. It is staggering that he should spend £20 of public money on porn...because if you type "porn" into Google, you can get immediate access to over 242 million porn websites for free. Apparently.

2009-04-04T12:48:00.003+01:00

What was the G20 exactly?
by Graham Davies

The G20 is where the leaders of the 19 richest countries in the world all stare at Gordon Brown and say, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Here is the comprehensive and highly predictable list of what was decided by these intellectual titans:

The Recession is a jolly bad thing
They need to spend lots of money to sort it out
It would be good for the Stock Market to pose for a jolly photograph with our thumbs up

And that was about it. Of course, it did not really matter what they came up with, as long as they all decided to do the same thing. It was hardly likely that any country was going to be so indifferent to PR as to say, "Bollocks to all of you. We disagree and we're not signing anything". Not even the French.

Clearly World Leaders have their own perspective on what amounts to Value for Money. 36 hours of the summit cost over 20 million pounds. It won't take them long to get through a Trillion.

2009-03-28T19:34:00.003Z

Hurricane Hannan
by Graham Davies

Most politicians regard Freedom of Speech not as a right, but as a continual obligation. But not Daniel Hannan. His verbal blitzkrieg on Gordon Brown managed to encapsulate in 3 minutes what many of his Conservative colleagues have spent several years saying.

His performance was a presentational triumph. I accept that there was more than a hint of Smart-Alec-at-the-Oxford-Union....and the speech consisted entirely of assertion without supporting evidence.

But the sheer effort he had put into finding short and memorable phrases (you have run out of our money) paid off handsomely. He had also clearly rehearsed the speech several times so there was hardly a stumble or hesitation when he glanced down at his notes.

The real secret of his success was that the speech was so short.

It was a stunning contrast to David Cameron's 76-minute Party conference speech which seemed to owe alot to Tolstoy.

Whenever you are preparing a speech or presentation, remember that everyone's attention span is so much shorter than it was 10 years ago. No-one wants the chap spouting at the front of the room to take of more of the day than absolutely necessary.

For a speech to be immortal , it does not have to be eternal.

2009-03-22T13:08:00.002Z

Chatty Obama
by Graham Davies

I have said many times that Obama is an Olympic-level Autocue Athlete. He is now trying to broaden his presentational appeal by being more spontaneous in front of the cameras. He is now so confident about his charisma that he is happy to cause the delay of this week's broadcast of American Idol so that he can make a Presidential Broadcast.

His newly-found chattiness reached its peak on the Tonight show. Let's face it, Jay Leno is no Jeremy Paxman. The unscripted "humour"about his bowling ability "being like something out of the Special Olympics" was not squeezed out by brilliant cross-examination.

He came out with that piece of crassness simply because he forgot one of the cardinal rules of presentation: never relax in front of any audience. You should always stay sharp, focused and calculating....especially when you are trying to look spontaneous.

Here's an idea Mr President: spend a bit less time on fluffy television, and a bit more time with your Treasury team. Create a comprehensive and innovative way of rescuing your economy that doesn't just sound like Spend Spend Spend.

Now that would be special.

2009-03-21T17:25:00.003Z

What was that, mate?
by Graham Davies

I have watched Deva Kumarasiri interviewed several times on television over the last 36hours. He seems genuinely surprised that his policy of not serving Post Office customers with a poor grasp of spoken English has caused such resentment in the local community.

On camera, there is no doubting his commitment to the cause of linguistic discrimination.

However, his overall presentation of his case was really rather poor. I didn't grasp it at all...because his accent was so strong that I simply could not understand what he was saying.

2009-03-19T23:36:00.002Z

Cameronspeak
by Graham Davies

David Cameron's speechwriters have a real talent for creating memorable phrases that make headlines. Yesterday, he promised that a Tory government would not behave like "flint-faced turbo-charged accountants when it comes to public spending".

Striking? Yes. Understandable? No.

I am certain that the denizens of KPMG, PWC and their high-adrenalin brethren will not be impressed by Dave's take on their profession.

I think we have more to fear from baby-faced ambition-driven politicians when it comes to public speaking.

2009-03-19T22:19:00.002Z

Autocue Angst
by Graham Davies

Barack Obama is a Black Belt in the Martial Art of speaking in public using an autocue. Fortunately, he seems to have a sense of humour to go with it.

At the White House yesterday, in a marvellous demonstration of the fallibility of technology, the script of his speech was put up on the autocue screens when it should have shown that of Bernard Cowen , the Irish Prime Minster. Cowen only realised the situation when he started his speech by welcoming himself.

He managed to rescue his credibility by smilingly expressing his exasperation at the fact the machine was not idiot (or politician) proof.

Obama went on to begin his own time at the microphone by thanking the President of the United States. We all hope that this was brilliantly improvised comedy and not the most powerful speaker in the world showing that he is better at reading than thinking in public.

There is a lesson here: never bet your life on an autocue. Always have a copy of your speech in your pocket in case of cock up.

When presenting under pressure, it pays to be paranoid.

2009-03-03T21:34:00.004Z

Rights said Fred
by Graham Davies

In the higher reaches of the private sector, the term Pension "Rights" is something of a misnomer: you don't get what you deserve, you get what you can negotiate. Fred Goodwin is clearly a master of the art.

Negotiation of a remuneration package is one of the most personal forms of presentation: both sides are talking about the value of a human being and their skills. Fred rates himself very highly and RBS clearly agreed with that valuation. RBS must surely have known the full cost implications of the agreement when they entered into it.

That should be the end of the story, no matter what the rest of us think of the amounts involved. But Harriet Harman says that the pension is not acceptable in the "Court of Public Opinion". As an experienced solicitor, she should not be surprised if a judge thinks that the decision of a Court of Law is more important.

The government also argues that Fred should have the amount reduced in a way that is commensurate with the negative financial consequences to the bank of any poor decisions that he made while holding office.

Fine. Let's have the same formula applied to Tony Blair for the costs incurred by invading Iraq.

2009-02-26T10:46:00.003Z

Emotional Dignity
by Graham Davies

During the dark early days of the Credit Crunch last year, Gordon Brown almost seemed to thrive. He has a talent for presenting with appropriate dourness when things are at their bleakest, while maintaining an image of personal strength.

We saw even greater depth to this aspect of his character in the House of Commons yesterday. The words he chose to say about the death of Ivan Cameron, and the way that he said them, showed a man who could present with emotion while, crucially, keeping that emotion under control.

The words were simple and the sentences short. His tone was so restrained that he could could have been speaking to an audience of one person and not six hundred. Bearing in mind that his audience were fully aware of his own past loss, he only brought in the gentlest of hints that he knew the something of the pain the Camerons were going through.

It was a masterfully sensitive performance.

If you ever have to do a similar speech, remember this: choose your words so carefully that you are proud of them. Then during delivery, focus on the words rather than the audience.

This is one of the few situations when that is good advice....because concentrating on the words themselves allows you to show emotion, but without letting that emotion control you.

2009-02-24T12:48:00.003Z

Prison Presentation
by Graham Davies

Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison has a truly horrible history. It was originally a torture centre for Saddam. But it only became notorious internationally because of graphic pictures of inmate abuse by American soldiers when the US used it as a venue for imprisonment without trial.

Now it has re-opened after a complete renovation. There is a gym, a computer room and a visitor centre with a play area to occupy the children of those visiting detainees.

It even has a snappy new name: "Baghdad Central Prison".

It warms my heart to see the Iraqi Justice Ministry acknowledging the importance of Image and Presentation...even for a captive audience.

2009-02-23T20:54:00.002Z

Winslet "Working"
by Graham Davies

All Kate's usual magic presentational ingredients were there: the hyper-ventilation, the flapping arms and typical lack of professional composure...all shown off nicely by the peculiar gown that she couldn't get her left arm through properly.

There was the embarassing wave-and-whistle routine with her dad and perhaps just a hint of clever thought when she acknowledged "none of us can quite believe we are in the same category as Meryl Streep".

But this time she had something different to...well, play with. She had the acting profession's Ultimate Aid to Self-Stimulation. An actual Oscar.

She seemed to have no idea of the level of physical excitement she was betraying as her heavy breathing reached new heights while she pumped the statuette up and down with her right wrist.

Truly a a whole new type of Gushing Acceptance Speech. There was hardly a dry seat in the house.

2009-02-23T19:13:00.000Z

Slumdog Garbage
by Graham Davies

Like many cinemagoers, I hope to be entertained and have a good time. If you feel entertained by extreme violence, multiple murders, torture, child abuse, child prostitution and mutilation, together with liberal doses of human excrement…..then Slumdog Millionaire is the film for you.

I felt sick after the first 5 minutes and only stayed because I was reviewing the film for a radio programme.

I admit that there is a predictably nice romantic ending, but it is not worth the effort of sitting through 2 hours which celebrated human degradation.

I am staggered by Slumdog’s success, because it is the worst sort of Feel Bad film.

Save your money and stay at home. Or go and see something less violent and generally despicable. Like Friday the 13th.

2009-02-23T15:51:00.000Z

Candid Banking At Last?
By Graham Davies

Fresh from reading the latest reports from the Parliamentary Select Committee on Financial Sevices, I walked into my branch of Barclays on High Street Kensington. Their approach is clearly opposite to that of the Costa Brava Tourist Board.

On the wall, I saw a refreshing ad for Barclays' own services, set out precisely like this:

Other banks have mortgages they would love to sell you.

We have a mortgage we think you will love.

YOUR HOME MAY BE REPOSESSED IF YOU DO NOT KEEP UP YOUR MORTGAGE PAYMENTS

This high profile schizophrenia is the dawn of Integrity Marketing in the banking sector. Tomorrow, I look forward to

Your money is safe with Barclays

DON'T TRUST US, WE'RE IDIOTS

Investigating all this a bit further, on the savings side of the RBS website, I hope to soon see the following, slightly adjusted copy:

At RBS, you’ll find the perfect home for your money

AFTER ALL, SOMEONE HAS TO PAY OUR BONUSES

2009-02-23T15:48:00.003Z

Honest Ads At Last?
By Graham Davies

The Costa Brava and Pyrenees Tourist Board have an interesting attitude to visual honesty in presentation. Their most recent ad for their region features a gorgeously sunny, shiny white sandy beach.....in the Bahamas.

When this small inconsistency was pointed out, a Director said that the photograph nevertheless presented "the right concept".

This opens up a whole new avenue of presentation. An Aston Martin advertising a Skoda? A picture of George Clooney to trail the David Dickinson-fronted Real Deal? Or a flushing toilet to promote a hedge fund?

2009-02-08T22:36:00.001Z

Less Words, More Impact
By Graham Davies

Now that the authorities have released the relevant radio transcripts, it’s apparent that the Chuck Norris Award for Minimum Use of Words for Maximum Impact has to go to Captain Chesley Sullenberger of US Airways.

I realise that he has decades of experience and training behind him, and he was flying a top class bit of kit with an equally professional team around him. But in exceptional circumstances, decades of experience and training and professional practice can desert even the most skilled professional in an instant of terror and pure panic.

Sullenberger, by contrast, was unperturbed. When he realised that there was only one possible destination for his plane (a point at which many professional communicators would have used a combination of swear words and desperate appeals to a variety of deities) all he said to the control tower was "We're going to be in the Hudson".

Minimum words, maximum heroism.

I’d like to think there’s one bit missing from the tape. It’s the bit at the very end where he says "Just finishing off the old Murray Mint, what”.

2009-02-06T15:49:00.002Z

Clarkson: Loud Mouthed and Spineless
By Graham Davies

He’s rich, he fronts BBC2’s most-watched TV show, and the more he winds people up, the richer and the more watched he becomes. This is what’s so irritating about presenter Jeremy Clarkson.

Whilst it’s clear to everyone that he’s a boorish, opinionated bigot with all the intellectual rigour and insight of a cheese sandwich (he even admits to this himself), it’s these very characteristics which make him so marketable.

Describing Gordon Brown as a “one-eyed Scottish idiot” was strictly par for the Clarkson course. We shouldn’t have expected anything else. So the furore in the papers is just space-filling PR for (as Clarkson would doubtless have it) the thick lanky fat-headed moron’s career.

It’s not often you have a chance to congratulate politicians, but Number 10’s response to Clarkson was a masterpiece. Clarkson, they said “is entitled to his own interpretation of the economic circumstances”. So smoothly cutting.

Now I hear that Clarkson has apologised. He said "in the heat of the moment I made a remark about the Prime Minister's personal appearance for which, upon reflection, I apologise."

Now this REALLY pisses me off. Clarkson - so maverick, so hard-core, and such a devil-may-care bad boy presenter, won’t stand by his own off-the-cuff unfunny bullshit, and instead opts (almost immediately) to give a pathetic, cringeing, wimpy apology.

As Jeremy would no doubt put it, the man’s just a big fat nancy boy.

2009-02-05T19:48:00.000Z

Voting with their feet
By Graham Davies

Shoe-throwing is the new heckling. Speakers and presenters need to sharpen up their acts and learn the language.

I'd hazard this ranges from flip flop (mild rebuke) to slipper (boring), steel toe-capped working boot (outrage), thigh-length PVC (not sexy enough) and on to a nice brogue (I wish you were Irish).

The conclusion is clear: if MI6 wants to secure early identification of radical dissenters now, they really need to stake out Stead Simpson.

2009-02-04T14:25:00.002Z

Oh Carol
By Graham Davies

I hate Political Correctness. It is often used as a weapon to stifle people with diverse opinions or an original sense of humour.

However, what is acceptable in language evolves all the time. In 1943, Wing Commander Guy Gibson had a black dog called ”Nigger”. Gibson was the leader of the Dam Busters mission, and he used the name of his dog as the code word to signal the successful breach of the Mohne dam. He radioed it back to base at 1.00am on May 17th 1943. Seven years later, it was still deemed perfectly acceptable as the reference survived intact into the Dam Busters film. When Channel 4 screened the film in 2007, the term had been cut.

In the 1970s, when Britain was still sodden with racism, "Golliwog" was in common usage. It wasn't until the 1980s that it began to be deemed offensive, and Robertsons (most famously associated with the term) capitulated to public pressure, at least partially: the Robertsons Golliwog became the Robertsons Golly. 20 years later, they finally dropped the Golly from their branding altogether. It was too long a time in coming.

Carol Thatcher is a highly experienced broadcaster and presenter. Casually describing a tennis player as a "golliwog" to a group of people in the Green Room after a BBC TV show was utterly crass. Whatever her personal opinions on issues of race, and however much she likes to protest that this was just wry humour (?), there are three lessons to be drawn from this:

(1) You might have the good fortune to be presenting on TV, you might not. Regardless, some words are horribly offensive

(2) No conversation anywhere near a TV studio is ever going to be private

(3) Even if you find this kind of language funny, using it out loud will permanently damage your Presentational Brand. This is particularly true of presenters with ex-Prime Ministers for mothers.

2009-02-02T12:29:00.001Z

A Nod and a Wink
By Graham Davies

Body language is a far less important presentation tool than the human voice. But it can get you into trouble just as quickly as what you say.

Ask Drum Major John Coleman. He has been suspended from duty for 6 months by the Cleveland Firefighters’ Memorial Pipes and Drums. His cardinal error was to wave and wink at the newly-inaugurated President Obama. Clearly a criminal contravention of the pristine protocol that serious Drum Professionals have observed since time immemorial.

This incident demonstrates how dangerous inappropriate body language can be. It also shows that most of the senior officers of the Cleveland Pipes are not winkers: but they are something else ....

2009-02-02T12:25:00.000Z

The Power Of 0.0002424%
By Graham Davies

It’s always the turd in the punch-bowl that attracts the most attention.

Barack Obama’s presentation of his 825 billion dollar regeneration package was excellent. Apart from the horrible thing he plopped in the middle.

Apparently, he wanted to spend 200 million dollars on refurbishing the 146 acre National Mall. (0.0002424% of the entire budget). That’s $1,369,863 per acre. Or maybe, sufficient to pay 5,000 gardeners $40,000 each to work on it for a year, seeding it with a strain of grass made of pure gold.

It’s the kind of idea that really winds up your average Republican (alongside free contraception). So no matter how wise any of the bill’s other provisions, they weren’t going to have it.

A load of grass is not a credit crunch priority. Unless it's the kind you can smoke. Then at least people could have a good laugh at Obama’s first really big presentational mistake.

2009-01-27T11:49:00.000Z

Newsflash: Prescott is PM
By Graham Davies

Congratulations to Gordon Brown. He wins the monthly John Prescott Memorial Prize for Unintelligible Speechmaking for the following sentence delivered yesterday:

"Or we could view the threats and challenges we face today as the difficult birth-pangs of a new global order, and our task now as nothing less than making the transition through a new internationalism to the benefits of an expanding global society, not muddling through as pessimists but making the necessary adjustment to a better future and setting the new rules for this new global order."

My Rules of Presentation Order state that the more complex the issue you are talking about, the more simple the speech has to be. Essentially: Say it, Support it, Shut it.

Not all of us have Gordon’s academic background. We shouldn’t need one to be able to follow what our Prime Minister is saying.

2009-01-27T11:45:00.000Z

Barack's 24hr Transformation
By Graham Davies

The dust has settled: time for a measured judgement on Barack’s speech.

He had to show that he was a Doer as well as a Dreamer. And he just about managed it.

After only just surviving the plot initiated by George Bush and executed by the Chief Justice to make him fluff the oath, the speech got off to a stiff and slow start. We knew that he had to dampen high expectations just a little, but the first minute or two was very bland fare indeed.

But then the Obama Presentation Machine kicked in. This time he had decided he was driving a Bentley, not a Ferrari. The pauses were long and his voice tone was lofty. The intimate style that he uses in front of small audiences (300,000 or less) was gone. It’s hard to be engagingly warm with each member of an audience of 2 million people.

His real achievement was in being specific. This was an exercise in practical prose, not soaring poetry. He had some clever phrases (“we will reach out our hand if you will unclench your fist”) and he avoided “Yes We Can” platitudes. His micro-message was deliberately business-like: “it is time to get up, dust ourselves down and get on with the business of re-building our country”.

The key moment for me involved quite a pointed dig at his immediate predecessor, when he said “we reject the false choice between our safety and our ideals”. The real test for this speech was whether the noble ideas could translate into practical actions. When he suspended trials at Guantanamo Bay the very next day, he made an unequivocal statement of intent. Barack, man of vision, immediately became Barack, man of decision.

Now all he has to do is end two wars, broker a settlement in the Middle East, fix the economy, rescue the environment and create a credible Health Service.

2009-01-26T19:21:00.002Z

Jonathan Who?
By Graham Davies

I was going to write something about whether Jonathan Ross said something offensive about someone old on some radio show he was presenting.

However, I've just re-decorated my kitchen wall, the paint's drying, and I want to watch it. Far more stimulating.

Perhaps one day soon, the BBC will realise that JR continually commits the cardinal crime of anyone who is too pleased with his own persona, and even after an involuntary break, he still isn’t funny.

2009-01-26T13:35:00.000Z

Death of the Dynasty?
By Graham Davies

Americans love royalty. This is a country which is only 230 years old, so people yearn for a sense of history and a feeling of continuity.

They can’t have kings, queens, princes, princesses, lords and ladies and all the pomp and circumstance and in-breeding and strange rituals that attach. So they’ve evolved the next best thing: the dynasty.

At one point last year, the presidency from 1988-2012 could have ended up as the revolving possession of just two dynasties – Bush and Clinton. It turned out that Clinton Mark 2 was considered too petty and aggressive to be President. So she has been appointed Secretary of State instead.

Now we have news that another dynasty has failed in its attempt to maintain profile, popularity and power. Caroline Kennedy (the only surviving child of John and Jackie) will NOT be the next Senator for New York.

She withdrew from consideration, apparently, for “personal reasons”. More relevantly, she has a shy manner, a weak voice that gets weaker under pressure and a Palin-like inability to answer tricky questions on TV. Her presentation skills are just not up to it.

It’s nice to see the American establishment realising that suitability and competence are more important than surname.

If only they’d had the good sense to think that way in 2001. The world would have been a very different and probably a far safer place.

2009-01-19T15:53:00.000Z

Dear Barack
By Graham Davies

I know you don’t read my blog every day. But if you get a moment, it’s crucial that you read the following before you do that speech tomorrow:

Dump ALL references to Lincoln. His second inauguration speech was blandly spineless. He said he had “neither the power nor the inclination to disturb slavery”. You have to break free from past mistakes. Don’t associate yourself with feeble compromise.

Do not quote Kennedy, Roosevelt, St Francis of Assisi or ANYONE else. If you’ve got something important to say (you have), then say it in your own words. The US people elected you to sort out their future, not to wallow in the past.

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you try to start any audience participation. The "yes we can" massed chanting routine is embarrassing and demeaning for the leader of the Western World. You do not want to sound like 1992-vintage pre-election rally Neil Kinnock (“awright! awright!). This is not the time for Karaoke Speaking.

Include a highly specific plan of immediate action to give pragmatic reality to your lofty vision.

Speak for no more than 15 minutes because (a) otherwise you and everyone else will catch pneumonia and (b) that’s the maximum attention span of an audience of a million people who are all standing up. For a speech to be immortal, it does not have to be eternal.

Anyway. Best of British.

(PS - I will send the invoice under separate cover, if that’s OK. Usual terms).

2009-01-16T14:09:00.001Z

Emergency Update: Flood Warning
By Graham Davies

Disturbing news for top fashion designers. Dolce & Gabana, Gucci, Yves Saint Laurent, Versace, Yohji Mamamoto and the like have just over one month to get together a range of stylish waterproofs.

Kate Winslet is up for two Oscars. Anyone in the vicinity will have to take precautions to avoid being drowned by gushing from the stage and vomit from the audience.

My eminently practical suggestion for the organisers is to print a programme featuring a full list of all the people each nominee would like to thank. On-screen subtitles should also be made available.

Then the winners will not have to say anything. And the audience can enjoy a basic human right: Freedom from Speech.

2009-01-15T20:53:00.001Z

The Challenge for Obama
By Graham Davies

On Wednesday at 5pm GMT, Barrack Obama will walk the taughtest tightrope in the history of political public speaking.

His unique brand of personal presentation won him more votes than his policies. His speeches have inspired something in the American imagination that has not seemed recently possible: hope.

There is something about him that transcends cynicism. You can almost sense hard-bitten journalists wanting him to make their hearts melt. The Third Estate seem prepared to cut him more slack than they were any other incoming President.

But his delivery has not been matched by his specifics.

Of course, the shivering throng in DC will not want to listen to a list of tax proposals or a finely-calculated breakdown of Federal Infrastructure projects. But any lofty visions provided by his large team of writers will have to be brought down to earth by something memorable that will actually get done and not merely said.

This is not the time to out-do Kennedy’s vision that a man would walk on the moon by the end of the decade. Obama needs to be able to say that people will still have jobs at the end of the week.

“Yes we can” has to very quickly become “Yes we will definitely do this.”

2009-01-15T16:52:00.000Z

The Memorabilaciousness of Bush
By Graham Davies

On his retirement, George Bush will definitely not be joining the professional speaking circuit. After all, the words “Bush”, “professional” and “speaking” do not sit comfortably in the same sentence.

This is a man leaving a linguistic legacy more memorable than his political one.

His war on terror has been a lot less successful than his war on grammar, and whilst people might want to dispute whether he rode roughshod over human rights in Guantanamo Bay, there can be absolutely no disagreement that he is unequivocally guilty of slaughtering English syntax and pronounciation. There was always the suspicion that he only suspended Habeas Corpus because he couldn’t pronounce it.

But let’s not misunderestimate the Bush legacy. Dubya may disappear from view entirely (please god) but his mystic words will live on. In other people's after dinner speeches. And not in a good way.

2009-01-15T11:19:00.001Z

The Chicago Blagger
By Graham Davies

There is something rotten in the State of Illinois, and even an intervention by Obama himself can’t get rid of the smell.

Last week, we saw the comically awful Governor Blagojevich appointing diminutive Roland Burris to fill Obama’s Senate seat. Burris exuded the smug smile of someone who knew that he was utterly unqualified for the role but still thought “bollocks to all of you, I’ve got the job anyway”. It took a quiet word from the President-Elect before anyone else on the Hill would even speak to him.

A little later, we saw the even more bizarre sight of Blagojevich swearing in the Illinois senators who will effectively serve as his jurors at his impeachment hearing on counts of federal corruption. Once they’d been sworn in, he slipped out a back door, and the senators immediately set to the task in hand – voting 58-0 to run the impeachment according to a certain set of rules.

Finally, the Blagger called a press conference. As props, he pulled in a couple of dozen of the halt, the lame and the impoverished. Without Blagojevich’s sterling legislative work and personal interventions, apparently, these folk would be even more disadvantaged. Impeach me, Blagojevich was saying, and you will be throwing such people to the dogs.

He quoted Tennyson, Jesus and Abraham Lincoln as he communicated a messianic passion for … er … himself. Naturally, he walked off without answering any questions. Had I been there, I suppose my first one would have been “Can you give me the names of anyone who actually voted for you?”.

A little presentational advice for any politician about to go on trial: if you still look ridiculously guilty after invoking the aid of a Romantic Poet, the Son of God, and the founding father of the United States of America, then no mere lawyer will be able to help.

2009-01-15T09:50:00.000Z

Free Speech? No Chance.
By Graham Davies

As Tony Blair basks in the glory of receiving his Presidential Medal from the man whose political decision-making he influenced so highly, it’s good to see that he still believes in Freedom of Speech. As long as there is a hefty invoice attached.

He has clearly decided to widen his portfolio now that his job as Special Envoy representing the Quartet of Middle East Mediators (Russia, the US, the UN, and the EU) is going so well (only 1000 Palestinians dead so far).

On the speaking circuit, he commands up to £157,000 for a 90-minute appearance. That’s £29.07 per second. Put another way, what someone on the minimum wage earns in an hour, Tony takes in one fifth of a second.

His gigs are handled exclusively by the Washington Speakers Bureau, which is more difficult to negotiate with than Hamas. This is the organisation which unleashed Bill Clinton into the speaking marketplace, where his ability to blag hospitality in general and golf games in particular has become as legendary as his former trouser problem.

It’s tough work. A lot of smiling and hand-shaking. But strangely enough, it doesn’t have to involve any high quality speaking.

No sharply-focused Micro-Messages. No gems of insider insight on world events. These guys can get away with repeating the same sequence of anecdotes again and again, almost as if they were their own tribute band.

You see, in the world of Professional Speaking, ex-Statesman Style, it’s not What You Say….it’s Who You Used to Be. And how much you can charge the mugs for the privilege of listening to it.

2009-01-15T09:47:00.001Z

What Colour are your Shoots?
By Graham Davies

The trouble with many politicians in the House of Lords is that they have not had to go through the tediously effective presentation experience provided by the electoral process.

Most prospective and current MPs have been exposed to an endless stream of media interviews. But a large number of our esteemed Lords and Ladies have lived a more rarefied life, untainted by the tawdry attentions of over-inquisitive journalists.

Hence the “green shoots” from the very green (but now red-faced) Lady Vadera (whoever she is).

She committed the classic ingénue’s mistake of repeating a phrase introduced into a TV interview by the interviewer.

So. Never do that. (And don’t use the same material as Norman Lamont).

2009-01-14T23:18:00.000Z

Wordflood Winslet
By Graham Davies

Poor Kate. For each of the last FOUR years, she went and prepared a faultlessly composed acceptance speech for the Golden Globes. But she had wasted her time.

This year, she thought “stuff the speech, I’m not going to win anyway”, so she did a small amount of fake-smile-training in the bathroom mirror, donned the Yves St Laurent, jumped in the stretch limo and headed off to play her traditional role as glam-also-ran.

At least, that’s the charitable explanation I’d like to provide for Kate’s sphincter-looseningly embarrassing performance the other night.

The fundamental problem for someone making an acceptance speech is that there are only a finite number of variations of the concept of “thank you”. Your audience has heard most of them before. In all likelihood, a significant proportion of them don’t want to hear you saying “thank you”, because they’d prefer to be saying “thank you” themselves, instead.

So. Even if you think you have NO CHANCE WHATSOEVER of winning, prepare a speech in advance. A short one. Otherwise you’ll end up doing a Winslet (winslet, n: a stream of free-form, structure-less, unadulterated emotional gush). This makes you look like an idiot, and will certainly upset Angelina Jolie if the wordflood includes forgetting her name.

If you’re too idle to prepare the whole thing, at least work out the first and last sentence. Don’t be a human storm drain. It doesn’t matter how sexy a star you are, you will still look a pratt.

2009-01-12T12:34:00.000Z

Right to Riot?
By Graham Davies

I live in Kensington, a few hundred yards away from the Israeli Embassy. It's not been the most placid place over the past few days, and it's certainly not been an ideal location for coffee-drinking or muffin-eating.

Demonstrators calling for peace in Gaza have been exercising the cherished British "right to demonstrate". In fact, there is no such thing. Just a government and law-makers who normally choose NOT to exercise extensive powers to STOP demonstrations and public gatherings.

But that argument aside, what I witnessed the other day was allegedly a demonstration for peace. It was actually a demonstration of thuggery. To my knowledge, Starbucks has not been vocal in support of Israel, nor does it sell anti-Palestinian coffee, nor does it sponsor the import of arms into Gaza through tunnels dug from Egypt. And even if it did, lawlessly wrecking a branch wouldn't be a justified response.

Down in Hyde Park, a lot of words were said about the inexcusable violence done to innocents in Gaza. I hope those who earnestly and honestly expressed those opinions are just as unequivocal in their condemnation of the yobs who, perhaps encouraged by their words of peace, acted as violently as they did.

Collateral damage is absolutely unacceptable in the Gaza Strip. It's also completely unacceptable in Kensington.

2009-01-05T18:44:00.001Z

Gobby Celebs
By Graham Davies

Bianca Jagger, Alexei Sayle and Annie Lennox have been telling the world that they disapprove of Israel’s actions in Gaza.

I can't see this cabaret line-up inhibiting Israel's generals. A model, a comedian and a pop singer? It’s hardly an expert panel of middle eastern political analysts. They should really stick to what they do best: strutting, joking and singing.

Better to leave political commentary to the professionals. Because just occasionally, professional politicians say something which shows just how professional they are. For instance, Ken Livingstone did not say that Israel was wrong to respond to Hamas rocket attacks. But he did venture to point out that what Israel regards as a reasonable kill ratio (100:1) is not. Reasonable. Which is a slightly more nuanced response than Bianca's, Alexei's and Annie's.

Unsurprising really: nuance ("subtle shades of meaning, feeling and tone") doesn't feature too highly in the lexicon of celebrity concerns.

2009-01-05T11:46:00.000Z

Murray's Moody Mint
By Graham Davies

Let’s face it, Andy Murray’s manner is moody, chippy, brusque and rude. I will never coach him how to present himself in a more charming, accessible and likeable way. Although he could afford me.

I am delighted.

Tim Henman, Greg Rusedski and John Lloyd are hugely affable and entertaining individuals, whatever social or public occasion they choose to grace.

But on court, there was something missing, especially at Wimbledon. When the going got tough, they got going ... out of the tournament.

By contrast, Murray’s sheer lack of grace is a key part of what makes him a winner. In Abu Dhabi this week, he beat both Federer and Nadal on his way to winning the Capitala World Tennis Championship crown. It is not the last time he will beat both in quick succession.

He will never learn to present himself properly. He will always project something dour, surly and irascible. But he will also win Wimbledon. And earn a great deal of money.

In the UK, we have a perverse affection for nice losers. I think it’s about time we started liking nasty winners.

2009-01-02T13:02:00.001Z

Backwards and Forwards
By Graham Davies

The best political presentations are the ones that deal with the present and the immediate future. Those that focus mainly on the past merely fuel the general public's belief that politicians are more interested in name-calling than problem-solving.

So now for something deeply unfair. I have extracted what I believe are the twenty-odd most important words from Gordon Brown's New Year Statement and George Osborne's reply.

Brown: "Today the risk of attempting to do too little is a greater threat than the risk of attempting to do too much".

Osborne: "He talks of tomorrow, but ignores the role he played in creating the mess of today. (He has) achieved nothing except adding to our National Debt."

Brown attempts a solution; Osborne says “No!” (and not much else). At least you have to admire Osborne’s consistency. He’s been saying “No!” (and not much else) for quite some time (except to the odd Russian oligarch bearing a yacht-party invitation).

Which makes me think that whilst Cameron hopes to mend our broken society, and Brown wants to fix our broken economy, Osborne might want to consider changing his broken record.

2009-01-02T12:31:00.001Z

Reasonable doubt for a Reasonable Fee
By Graham Davies

I write today in praise of the two Oldest Presentational Professions: lawyers (of which I am one) and PR consultants. Over the New Year, their position as the Premier Pimps of Misfortune was sealed by various articles printed in several British newspapers.

Actually, "various" is not accurate. The "articles" were virtually identical: solid proof that they were essentially copies of a successful PR press release.

The topic was drunk driving. The person featured was the affluent solicitor who managed to persuade magistrates that a post-celebration Alex Ferguson was driving along the hard shoulder because he desperately, but reasonably, was looking for a toilet.

Apparently, this socially responsible advocate (I will not name him because I refuse to play along with the game) has said that he would like to help the government to draft legislation that lowers the drink-driving limit from 80mg to 50mg.

Well, I have news for him. My 2 law degrees and 14 years of experience at the Criminal Bar tell me that this suggested change merely requires our esteeemed lawmakers to change an 8 to a 5.

So, no need for his expert help. But his press release clearly showed that he was gagging for column inches.

How strange. Why on earth would a solicitor who specialises in defending drunk driving cases want to get in the papers on New Year's Eve?

2009-01-01T14:17:00.001Z

Incompetent Bankers - Chapter 36
By Graham Davies

Banks are getting increasingly creative in their incompetence.

Several Barclays customers this week have discovered unexpected deficits on their accounts. An ATM screen told one customer that he was a billion pounds in the red.

Possibly not too far from the truth, in one respect, though unfortunately the bank spent the money on his behalf without telling him.

I have some small sympathy with High Street banks who were too optimistic in their mortgage-lending practices. After all, customers who were naïve or worked the system to borrow beyond their means are at least partially to blame for their own downfall.

But it seems to me that even the most uninspiring, cautious banking enterprise needs to present itself as being able to (1) add up and (2) use a computer.

This week Barclays' score is nought out of two.

Barclays Wealth (the department for super-rich clients) once had the strapline “Wealth: what’s it to you?” to which they might now want to add the rider “Because we haven’t a clue”.

Perhaps I am being too harsh. After all, they were only wrong by a few zeroes. Which is an excellent description of the Barclays Board.

2008-12-31T12:57:00.000Z

Want to buy me some vintage port?
By Graham Davies

Tom Peters, the business uber-guru, doesn’t read my blog looking for tips.

But today I will give you some advice which will be far more valuable than anything Tom can provide. It might save you or your company thousands,maybe millions, of pounds in 2009.

Business will never be the same again. As half the high street disappears without trace, as the automotive industry begs for bail outs, and as banking institutions flail on the brink saved only by the state, there is now no such thing as a rock-solid bluechip company.

What happened at Lehman Brothers has been described as an “uncontrolled bankruptcy”. A $75 billion hole. Did any of Lehman’s suppliers have any idea of its financial incontinence? Unlikely.

This was an impregnable financial behemoth if ever there was one. After all, the company slogan was “LEHMAN BROTHERS: WHERE VISIONS GET BUILT".

Do you have X-Ray vision? How much do you really know about the true financial stuation of the companies you supply or advise? Not much, I'd guess. In which case, it’s time to do some credit crunching of your own.

So, change your Terms of Business right now. Get 100% up front. Always.

Then send me a bottle of vintage port any time one of your clients goes under AFTER they’ve paid your most recent, timely, advance invoice.

2008-12-30T17:39:00.004Z

Haunting Moments
By Graham Davies

My two favourite moments of 2008 were presentational disasters. One was by Hilary Clinton. The other by Sarah Palin.

Hilary was lagging behind Obama, but fighting hard. It was possible that her toughness and sheer stamina would still win through.

Then came Snipergate: the story she told about stepping off a plane as First Lady in the face of Bosnian gunfire. Unforgiving video evidence told a completely contrary story. Grudgingly she admited that she "mis-spoke".

According to the Oxford Dictionary of Political Euphemisms, to “mis-speak” is “to lie deliberately”. Whichever way you care to put it, this blunder ensured that Obama would be the Democratic candidate.

A few months on and Sarah Palin turned up as God’s saving gift to the Republicans. Her convention speech had been Premier League Political Cabaret. She jolted the McCain campaign into a small lead.

Her crash from Republican Campaign Redeemer to Republican Campaign Wrecker was instant and irreversible. The first two questions of her first major TV interview as VP candidate established that (1) she’d never heard of the Bush Doctrine and (2) she couldn’t name a newspaper she regularly read.

This might be cool and well and good for your average apple-pie-cooking-cheer-leader-raising hockey-mom, but not for an apple-pie-cooking-cheer-leader-raising-hockey-mom with pretensions to Vice Presidential office.

It was a clanger which resounded round the world. From great white hope to great white dope in less than a minute. This collapse gave the final guarantee to an Obama victory, several weeks before Election Day.

Politicians in 2009 beware: presentational mistakes may take just a second, but on Youtube, they will haunt you for ever.

(Try this for size).

2008-12-29T12:46:00.004Z

Most Memorable?
By Graham Davies

Now is the time when newspaper and TV commentators, weary after weeks of festive wining and dining, opt for the easiest method of column-filling: a list of the most memorable events of 2008. Many of them say it was Obama's victory speech. You may agree.

If you're curious, try this test. Cast your mind back to that night. Remember the huge crowd and the anticipation and the excitement, and the feeling that something great was about to happen. Recall the joyous adrenalin surge as the man walked out on the stage. Picture once again his poise, his dignity and his sheer style as he used the autocue so brilliantly that most TV viewers didn't even realise it was there.

All sorted and firmly fixed in your mind. Now take a piece of paper and write down your best recollection of what he actually said. Do not read my next paragraph until you have done so.

Here is what you can remember:

"We will buy a puppy".

"Yes we can".

There are good speeches, and there are brilliant speeches. How did Obama fare? Well, a good speech tells the audience something useful that they didn't already know, so he half met the criteria: people didn't know he needed to buy a puppy.

However, the information wasn't useful.

A truly brilliant speech tells the audience something very significant that they will never forget. Again, Obama half met the criteria: people won't forget the puppy. But he didn't offer one specific step that he was going to take that would make a difference to the lives of the audience. What he did offer was a hostage to fortune.

You see, in years to come, if he's failed on every political front, smart-aleck commentators will be tempted to turn round and say "but at least the kids got the puppy". This canine stuff is not going to sustain him in office.

After all, a presidency is for four years, not just for Christmas.

2008-12-29T12:43:00.000Z

China's Secret Weapon
By Graham Davies

Finally, I have to admit defeat. I now know, for certain, that China will take over the world. This is despite the fact that the country's economy (even now) is smaller than that of the UK, and despite the problems inherent in servicing the needs of an enormous population.

There's nothing we can do to stop the Chinese because they have a bristling armoury of weapons, one of which is absolutely unique. Against its frightening force there is no defence. We're not talking about thermonuclear missiles, enormous military forces, or even the country's staggering cash reserves.

This is a weapon which, incredibly, they are fully able to transport openly, directly and freely into the heart of the capital city of any nation they choose to target. It's particularly effective against women and children, but it also weakens the knees of normally hard men.

It's called the Panda.

Every western nation begs to be subjugated by it, and now it's Taiwan's turn. Admittedly, the Taiwan president has said that the arrival of Tuan Tuan and Yuan Yuan (so good they named them twice) does not actually mean his defence forces are relaxing their guard.

Frankly, I don't believe him.

2008-12-27T11:23:00.002Z

Committee-speak from the Queen
By Graham Davies

It's nice to get things more or less right on occasion. Then again, it didn't take a genius to predict the content of the Queen's speech. (I forgot the stuff about volunteers being the unsung heroes of the community).

Now that the annual address has been aired, as a loyal tax-paying subject, I feel I owe the queen some respectful advice. Here is the topline summary: your content was boring, cliched and patronising. Your delivery was dull and thoroughly insipid, and you looked like Krusty the Clown.

You've been doing this Xmas speech now for 56 years. Time to stop reading the words some committee has come up with. Get some coaching on how to write your own material, together with some coaching on how to say it like the warm grandmother you are.

In 2008 it is time that the Queen of England stopped being the mouthpiece of a civil servant.

2008-12-24T18:57:00.000Z

Right Message, Wrong Audience
By Graham Davies

I hear C4's alternative Christmas message will be delivered by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of Iran. From what's been leaked of the speech, it sounds like most people, the world over, are really singing from the same peaceful, harmonious hymn sheet (if that's not an inappropriate way of putting it).

It's an incredible and uplifting message from the Iranian leader, scheduled for 7.15pm. Unfortunately, there will be many who won't get to hear it, and they're the ones who most need to see some sense and get a grip on reality. I mean fans of Strictly Come Dancing, Blackadder and Coronation Street. (7.00pm on BBC1, BBC2 and ITV respectively).

2008-12-24T18:40:00.002Z

Tales of Flab and Frailty
By Graham Davies

Great news from Hawaii in the shape of a top pecs pic of president elect Barack Obama. He looks a hell of a lot hotter than Flabby Clinton did when he was similarly pictured some time back. I always thought Bill had let himself go ever since he and Hilary opened that chain of card shops.

Obama must be packing in one hour a day minimum to keep in this kind of shape. Credit crunch or stomach crunch: which comes first on the soon-to-be-presidential agenda? It must be quite a close run thing.

No problem in wanting to be physically fit, and working out hard to achieve it. In which case, it might also be a good idea for Obama to give up smoking. He is clearly addicted to nicotine as well as exercise. This does not present the strength of mind he will need in his new job.

Of course, you could say Obama's smoking makes him one of us - just an ordinary guy, susceptible to the same old human frailties. Then again human frailty is what got all of us into this mess in the first place.

2008-12-24T17:52:00.001Z

Queen's Speech In Full
by Graham Davies

Save yourself the bother of stretching across the sofa to pick up the remote tomorrow at 3.00pm. I have the Queen's Speech in full:

SYMPATHY TOWARDS SUBJECTS' DIFFICULTIES

We are upset about the credit crunch.
We feel sorry for all our subjects who have been affected by it.
We feel sorry for all our subjects around the Commonwealth who have also been affected by it.

FAMILY

I am very proud of my family.
Especially my grandson who is in the army.

(Seamless segue into ...)

MILITARY

In fact we are very proud of everyone in the armed forces
Especially if they have been affected by the credit crunch

GENERAL

We would like to thank everyone for being so nice to us.
Here are some film clips of some cute children.
But, after all, isn't everything very jolly at Christmas?

CONCLUSION

We've been the Queen, you've been my subjects, thank you, and goodnight.

2008-12-19T18:19:00.000Z

End of the Celebrity Ding-Dong?
By Graham Davies

We all like a good old celebrity divorce ding-dong, preferably with filthy-laundry-washing thirty-page spreads in Chat, Bella, Best, OK, Heat and Hello, plus a generous serving of rants and histrionics on chat-show sofas. All strung out for months, all lining the pockets of lawyers. Sadly, this may be a thing of the past. The Judicial Committee of the Privy Council has just decided that the British Courts will recognise agreements about splitting assets in the event of divorce, signed AFTER the wedding. So, never again may the likes of Guy Ritchie and Heather Mills have to creep away with the pittance they received from their exs.

When I practised at the matrimonial bar (from 1986-98) our motto was "Love is grand, divorce is 500 grand". Pretty soon, you'll be able to pick up an off-the-shelf Post-nup pack from a high-street stationers (alongside the DIY wills and Shorthold Tenancy Packs). "Love is grand, divorce is £19.99 from W.H.Smiths". Doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

2008-12-19T00:58:00.002Z

10 things you won't hear next year
By Graham Davies

Here are 10 things that you definitely will not overhear anyone saying in 2009:

Tonight, live at the Comedy Store: Gordon Brown.

I'm delighted to inform the house that all building works for the Olympics are on schedule and 25% under budget.

The trouble with the Tories is that they've got far too many ideas about what to do to get us out of the recession

And that's yet another massive victory for the England rugby/cricket/football team.

Now is definitely the time to pile into equities.

"A" level exams are so much harder these days.

I have total confidence in the Met's ability to use fire-arms under pressure.

Everyone's forgotten about that silly yacht business and George has still got a lot of credibility as Shadow Chancellor

We really need to buy a house, but there's simply nothing on the market.

Don't worry about me son, we'll be fine for money. I've been paying into a pension fund for years.

2008-12-16T11:18:00.000Z

“Banks Hit in $50bn Sting”
By Graham Davies

Further testament to the good judgement of bankers and their predictive skills (see below).

2008-12-16T11:15:00.000Z

Careless Talk Costs Livelihoods
By Graham Davies

A big thank you to John Varley, Group Chief Executive of Barclays, for providing us all with a very valuable insight in an interview yesterday. Not about the credit crunch, about which he’s completely unqualified to comment. (Something he never mentioned 12 months ago because he was busy at the time heading up an international banking business). No, thanks are due to Varley for showing us all that there are times when people in influential positions would be well-advised to keep their gobs firmly shut, and put their egos to one side in the interests of the greater good.

Varley loftily advised an interviewer from the Daily Telegraph that “in our view” house prices would drop a further 15% and bottom out at the end of 2009. Well thanks for that. Thanks for exacerbating the problem you’re commenting on. He’s (perceived to be) a very influential individual. If he states, in a Sky-televised high-profile interview, that the bottom of the market won’t come ‘til 2009 – well, who’s going to buy a house tomorrow?

If John had an ounce of insight into what’s needed right now, he’d have said (something like), “The banking sector has been bailed out by the government, and we’re very grateful to the government for that support. Because of that support, we’ll be able to get the whole mortgage and credit system moving again, to help our customers. By working together we’ll be able to turn things round, sooner than many of us think”.

A bit of backs-to-the-wall, Churchillian, true-Brit, blitz-spirit, “we’re all in this together and we’re going to get through it”: that would have been helpful. Why didn’t he say it? Well, probably because having failed to give any warning about any coming problem at any point in the 12 months preceding the start of the crash, or even when it commenced, he’s now decided to take some precautionary steps to re-assert his own wisdom, and the wisdom of his institution. His prediction is entirely self-interested. In 12 months’ time, if things have gone as he suggests, he’ll be a great financial sage, much to be respected. If things have perked up, no one will notice or particularly care.

What is breath-taking is the sheer arrogance of the man. He sat there and said that the banks’ lending policies had been “madness”, like it was nothing to do with him. And he also said that banks should “take their share of responsibility” for the problem. Since – moving forward - “taking a share of responsibility” involves nurturing consumer confidence, listening to what people say, and understanding how careless talk costs livelihoods these days … well, lesson one for that elevated individual who is John Varley is to think very carefully before you open your mouth. At all.

2008-11-26T11:49:00.002Z

Honest Advice - For Hilary
by Graham Davies

Be tough, be knowledgeable, be diplomatic, and most of all, be honest.

These characteristics aren’t essential for misunderestimated presidents who can’t recall the name of the leader of Pakistan, who don’t believe there’s sufficient evidence of global warming to warrant signing up to international agreements on climate change, who have bad memory lapses about the extent and timing of their military service, and who don’t know the difference between Slovakia and Slovenia.

But anyone wanting the job of Secretary of State in the US administration needs to demonstrate all of these qualities. There’s no doubt Hilary Clinton is tough (you have to be to ride out the kind of character assassinations she’s suffered over the years), and she seems knowledgeable (as she’s always telling us).

But diplomacy is not her strong card. This is the former candidate who once indicated that one of the reasons she was staying in the Nomination race was that there was always a chance that her opponent might get assassinated.

And the bigger problem is honesty. Her campaign-trail misspeaking/minor blip/misstatement (aka “lie”) about landing in Bosnia under sniper fire might be dismissed as par for the course in the bloody hand-to-hand combat of nomination, and she dismissed this slight error very eloquently:

"I went to 80 countries, you know. I gave contemporaneous accounts, I wrote about a lot of this in my book. You know, I think that, a minor blip, you know, if I said something that, you know, I say a lot of things - millions of words a day - so if I misspoke, that was just a misstatement."

You know.

(Incidentally, just for the sake of the pedantry, and worrying about honesty and accuracy, if you wanted to talk a million words per day, that would be 11.574074 words per second, every second of every minute for 24 hours).

The point being: put that behind you Hilary, own up to it, cast it in the context of fighting the good fight to get the nomination, and make sure – absolutely sure – that you present yourself with real integrity.

You can use all the slick tricks in the book – PR, spin, advertising whatever – to sell a product, and you can get away with it and even do rather well. For a while. But ultimately, if what you’re selling isn’t any good, people find out. If it lacks fundamental integrity (and you’ve spent a lot of time telling them it IS the real deal), then you’re in big trouble.

So. Honesty, Hilary. One of the essentials, whenever anyone presents to the public. Whether it’s to an annual company conference, or a worldwide audience of billions.

2008-11-24T20:17:00.001Z

A Victory for Plucky Welsh Defiance
by Graham Davies

I fit the Welsh sporting stereotype: I'm a passionate fan of the national game.

In Saturday’s match against the All Blacks, after leading 9-6 at half time, Wales were outplayed in the second half. It was hardly surprising, as New Zealand are a vastly superior team.

One of the most important weapons in the All Black armoury is the Haka. They say that it is merely a traditional challenge to their opponents. Frankly, this is rubbish. It is intended to be ritualised intimidation. Most teams do not know how to react: they turn into a disparate group mammoths, with an average weight of 16½ stone, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot like little lost boys, desperately trying not to look scared in front of Mum watching on telly.

Wales were different. They just stood motionless and stared at the All Blacks during the Haka…..and after it. Their statuesque statement said, "And? Your point is?"

In fact, it was the All Blacks who ended up not knowing what to do. They tried to re-form and out-match the Welsh Silent Stare. But the damage was done. The Haka and the response ended up unsettling New Zealand and inspiring Wales. It certainly accounts for such a blandly adequate first half display by a team which should always be 20 points better than their hosts.

Never forget the power of body language, even in the most intimidating of situations. It can set you up for a superb presentational performance, even before you open your mouth for the first time.

The final score on Saturday was Wales 9, New Zealand 29. It was also Defiance 1, Intimidation Nil.

2008-11-19T13:07:00.000Z

Retiring Gracefully
By Graham Davies

Ten minutes ago, I received news that our entertaining guest decided to depart the dinner table. He never intended to become the main event, he didn't want to embarrass his host, and so in gentlemanly, gracious style, he opted to slip away from the party.

The panel is strangely perplexed, crestfallen and confused. It's the result they wanted. But it wasn't delivered to them in the way they wanted it. In terms of judging a situation and measuring his audience, you have to say that this was one piece of footwork from John which was faultlessly professional.

2008-11-19T12:25:00.001Z

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner: Len or John?
By Graham Davies

You're having a smart dinner with some rich professional friends. Along comes an unshaven, scruffily dressed chap, who gets confused over which knife and fork to use and when. But he's self-deprecating about his appearance, he has a natural charm, he's intelligent, he's entertaining, he's generous to others, and he's funny. So what do you do? Throw him out because he doesn't know which way to pass the port? Certainly not (unless you're an unpleasant, arrogant snob who puts the conventions and protocols of dining ahead of the personal appeal of your guests).

Strictly Come Dancing is the party, Len is the snobbish host, John Sergeant is our surprising visitor and the other diners are the voting public. Len's spoiling the party by getting all worked up and acid about John's inability to hold his cutlery the right way, and the more Len gets worked up, the more of a fool he looks, and the more everyone wants their unconventional new friend to stay.

We all love the underdog; we warm to people who're nice. And we hate stuffy, arrogant, pompous, humourless, narrow-minded individuals who expect everyone else to fall into line with their elevated expert opinion.

But Len's probably well aware of that: big-brother-X-apprentice-idol-factor-reality telly needs goodies and baddies if it's to raise any interest whatsoever, so maybe canny Len's just looking out for a long contract for himself and the approval of his paymasters, Simon Cowell style. Which leaves John as the fall guy and the paying public as the willing dupes.

There is a useful lesson from all this: whenever you are presenting yourself, if you take yourself too seriously for the circumstances, you will end up looking ridiculous. No-one will listen to you, like you…or be persuaded by you. On the other hand, a sense of self-deprecation and self-parody is actually very powerful. That’s the reality of it.

2008-11-11T14:59:00.001Z

Foster Care in the Third Reich?
By Graham Davies

Councillor Michael Stark of Redbridge Council told Jon Gaunt of Talksport that the authority had instituted a blanket ban on smokers becoming foster carers. Jon told him he was a Nazi. From which I conclude that Adolf Hitler had a foster care policy based on an enlightened and advanced understanding of the risks of passive smoking.

Alternatively, Jon is someone who thinks it's OK to suggest that anyone he doesn't agree with him subscribes to Nazi values, attitudes and actions. These would include mass murder, racism, and crimes against humanity, which isn't an acceptable thing to say about anyone. Apart from Nazis, of course.

People might argue that "Nazi" is passing into common useage to mean anyone who holds fanatical views relating to anything at all. Maybe so. But words will always set off resonances which cut right back to their roots. And in an internet age, it's more critical than ever to take real care over your remarks. Anyone fancy a "crusade against terror", Mr.Bush?

2008-11-04T16:09:00.001Z

Like you, vote for me
By Graham Davies

For Lewis Hamilton the magic number was 98 to become champion of the world. For Barack Obama and John McCain it is 270.

Whether it is votes, goals, points or position, success is a binary business. ‘Better’ or ‘More’ has to be calculated, and an assembly of ones and zeros is the only way to provide clarity.

However, how you obtain your success is far from binary. For Obama and McCain, getting people to vote for them it is not a black and white issue. They must persuade the electorate that either by way of natural fit or contrast they are just right for the White House. Persuasion involves a lot of grey.

In the American sales-centric society, there is almost a genetic predisposition toward persuasive presentations.

Both presidential candidates have extensively exploited the likeability factor in persuasion: I do what you do, I talk like you, I look like you….so I can represent you.

Even the otherwise cartoon-like Sarah Palin has done this well. By continually playing the ‘I am like you’ card she has made very little go a very long way in one-dimensional Middle-America.

Mind you, this approach works no matter what the nationality of the audience.
If you reflect their attitudes, goals, beliefs, and vocabulary, they will open their minds to be persuaded.

In the USA tonight, the grey of the persuasive process will only again become black and white with the ink on millions of ballot papers.

2008-10-30T17:20:00.003Z

Brand and Ross Wireless Wirewalkers
By Graham Davies

Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross are essentially paid danger money to walk the line of comedic acceptability. As Ross’s remuneration is £18 million over 3 years the BBC must accept that the danger is ever present and they should police situation accordingly.

Comedy is the high wire act of entertainment. Just because the ‘Sachs attack’ was perpetrated by experienced wirewalkers, it was not necessarily funny. More like third form humour with all the short trousered sophistication of Bart and his prank calls to Mo.

Such is the ego of these hapless radio hacks that they are only happy when they are being recorded, so how wonderful when the fall guy is not in and the moment is captured on an answer phone. So the victim can enjoy their genius again and again.

To take nine minutes on air to snigger about sex with an actor’s grand-daughter, it must have been very funny indeed. No wonder it was signed off as top quality broadcast material.

With a wife who is an accomplished writer, more than a bit of experience in broadcast and a speech impediment, we would all imagine that Ross understands that what you say is important.

Politicians and leaders in business know all to well that if they don’t get the words right they well might be asked to get out. This is why humour should be treated like caviar and not spread around like marmalade.

Sadly, Ross is starting to believe his own label as ‘Jonathon Ross the funny man’. In doing so, he has forgotten the fundamentals of comedy. Be outspoken, be outrageous, be ingenious, be clever but most of all….. …….be funny.

2008-10-27T09:29:00.000Z

Tory Talk Talk
By Graham Davies

The war time maxim was loose lips sink ships. Today it has changed to loose lips on ships sink careers.

George Osbourne initially thought that he could use this to his advantage. He let slip, at some length, that he had heard the maestro of manipulation Mandelson speak his mind about what makes Gordon Brown so awful. How naïve: breaking a confidence only to tell us all something that was obvious.

As George comes from excellent stock, he should have known the rules of tiger hunting. Check there is only one of them and make sure you kill with the first shot. If you don’t, it will have your arm off before there is time to reload.

As it happened, unfortunate George found the response came from a different direction: a similarly plummy chum who believed in quid pro quo.

The exposure of a conservative plot to ram-raid a Russian oligarch’s petty cash tin showed how seedy things can get, even in very glamorous surroundings. The ensuing he said, she said, they said left us all past caring.

George will hang on to his job by his fingernails. However, I hope he remembers a key concept: in any presentation situation you must resist the desire to tell all. Editing for impact is the best way to create maximum effect…and maximum career longevity.

2008-10-16T11:06:00.003+01:00

Brown's day has come
by Graham Davies

Some people are designed for disasters. Gordon Brown is one of them. During the jolliest of times, his demeanour is a cross between that of an emergency surgeon and an undertaker. Even when he is talking about good news, there seems to be an undertone of misery. He is banned from the House of Commons bar during Happy Hour.

But I think we can all agree that he is now the right man in the right job at the right time. He automatically presents himself as the only one with the intellect, experience and core attitude that the country needs. Frankly, we want a prime minister to look miserable at the moment. Somehow, I can’t imagine the solution to banking crisis being as well presented by posh DavenGeorge, fresh from the school debating club.

It is actually very difficult to think of anything that Brown could have presented better over the last 10 days. There was one occasion last week when he was speaking at an awards dinner about a subject that was totally unrelated to the credit crunch. Suddenly a mobile phone went off in the audience very loudly. Usually, this is an uncomfortable embarrassment for a senior political figure. They are usually incapable of the fast verbal footwork that turns the interruption into a positive. However, on the sixth reign Brown looked up, smiled just slightly, and said “I hope that isn’t another bank going down.”

It was a comedy triumph. I have never seen him look so liberated. He is in danger of becoming a serious politician with an effective sense of humour. What a frightening thought.

2008-09-15T15:27:00.002+01:00

The real McCain the real McCoy
by Graham Davies

It was the best of speeches and it was the worst of speeches. Worst in the sense that he made most of the mistakes that is was possible for a public speaker to make; best in the sense that it was a true reflection of the determined character of the man.

Ironically, the shear brilliance of Sarah Palin’s speech gave McCain licence to play safe. This is just as well, because ‘safe’ is the only item on his public speaking menu. He also suffers from an incurable disability: an almost total inability to use his facial muscles. His face looks like it has been nipped, tucked and bolted back on again with an extra layer applied by Madame Tussauds. The only time he breaks through the botox barrier is when he smiles. Unfortunately the smile is so stiff and forced that you are not sure whether it is showing amusement or constipation.

The speech was certainly noticeable for what he did not say. He never said the two words that could be fatal to his campaign: George Bush. He has become the President whose name they dare not speak.

It was also nearly 45 minutes into the speech before McCain mentioned God, which must be an all time record for a Republican Politician.

The opening was a torrent of bland pleasantries. We only saw a hint of warmth under the waxwork when he responded in his clunky but spontaneous way to some heckling. The core message, that America needs change but change with a safe pair of hands, was a good one. Mind you, it was rather disturbing when he said that they also needed to get back to basics. Essentially this meant that he was not only stealing ideas from Obama but also John Major as well.

However, the determined solid fighter did shine through when he again told his story about being a prisoner in Vietnam. It may well be a familiar story but when you see it told by him you can get a measure of his genuine character. He comes across as a hard but sensitive man who can fight when he has to but can also compromise when he has to.

The last ten lines of the speech was a sequence of highly polished one liners that were clearly provided for him by a team of writers. They worked so effectively so that he had to keep talking though an ever increasing storm of applause and cheers. The smile he came out with at the end said to me “I’ve survived five years of Vietnamese torture and I am even more pleased to have survived fifty five minutes of public speaking.”

McCain will never enjoy public speaking and he will never be more than adequate performer but he is the type of guy who can grit his teeth and get through something because he just has to. This might be the type of guy that would make rather a good President.

2008-05-06T12:50:00.001+01:00

PowerPoint Palsy
By Graham Davies

PowerPoint encourages exhaustive detail that in turn causes audiences to twitch with exhaustion. There is always just one more bullet that you can add on to that slide…and always a few more slides that you can create.

The feeling is seductive: “I’ve created loads of slides, with loads of words on them, so I must have prepared properly. In fact, that is all I have to do. The exact words that I need to say will just come to me when I am actually speaking.”

Some presenters are actually proud of their reputation for length and detail. They wear the mark of the serial PowerPoint criminal as a badge of honour. They feel it is the fault of the audience if they can’t quite find the message inside the maze of slides. This type of presenter is quite happy to facilitate the tyranny of PowerPoint: a one party state where Big Brother Is Boring You.

This is submission to software. The presenter is surrendering his central role to the words on screen. He is abdicating from his role as a leader.

A presentation only works where human-to-human contact is maximised. Slideware can get in the way.

I once saw a presentation delivered by a high ranking IBM executive. Some technical foul-up occurred just before he started, so that he was forced to present Commando (i.e. without slides). Mysteriously, his laptop started working again about a minute before he finished. Showing remarkable mental agility, he managed to immediately access and display his summary slide. This acted as a superb overview, bringing together and focusing everything that he had said in the previous 15 minutes.

He then experienced an audio-visual epiphany. He paused, looked at his laptop, looked at the audience, looked at the screen, back at the audience, paused again and said, in a dramatic whisper:

“Maybe that’s the only slide I needed in the first place.”

I managed to restrain the urge to leap up from my seat and shout, “Hallelujah! Amen, brother!”

In the bar that night, his was the only presentation that people were talking about. The previous eight presenters had used over 150 slides and about 700 bullet points between them. I asked some of the people in the bar which of the day’s slides they could remember. And they could only remember the IBM guy’s 3-point summary slide.

This is the best way to use bullet-point slides: just one notch above total disappearance.

2008-04-12T12:48:00.002+01:00

Dump the Queen's English
By Graham Davies

"To boldly go where no man has gone before" is the most split infinitive of them all, but it has also made the opening sequence of Star Trek probably the most quoted in TV history. Hamlet's unforgettable slings and arrows of outrageous fortune are part of an equally incorrect mixed metaphor.
You don't need good grammar to communicate well. The key to success is to make your message memorable.

"Gillette: the best a man can get". No verb, no sentence and no doubt about the message. Even grammatically correct phrases can be misleading. Charles Kennedy recently referred to the liberal democrats as “The Third Party". I assume the other two are Fire and Theft.
You can't abandon grammar entirely. But use it as a platform, not a straight jacket. The best political speeches contain phrasing that is hard to forget (mind you, John F Kennedy's "Ich bien ein Berliner" actually means "I am Jam Doughnut").

Don't worry about grammar, worry about grabbing them. Colourful phrasing stimulates the memory. You want to be remembered for your message. Your message is what you would say if you only had 10 seconds in which to say it. It is the core, the essence of your speech, what you want the audience to remember above all else.

You should spend more time formulating the message than on any other part of your preparation. If you don't have a clear message, you don't have a clear presentation.

In a business speech, the message must clearly encapsulate what your audience needs to know. You don't need Churchillian poetry, but you need clear, concise, plain English. "John Bull Building creates unique homes for families who value space, light and quality".

In politics these days, memorable phrases are commonplace. Even from William Hague: "The powers of this country are being taken away slice by slice with our own Prime Minister wielding the knife."

If you can mix your metaphors so effectively, then your business presentations will become a whole new kettle of ball games.

2008-03-10T12:43:00.003Z

Audience Analysis
By Graham Davies

Most people start preparing for a presentation by thinking, "What shall I say?" What they should be thinking is "Who am I saying it to?"
Any communication is only as good as your understanding of the people you are trying to communicate with.

Even through you may have presented your product dozens of times before, the presentation must be tailored to cater for the specific needs of this audience. Everyone likes to hear something which feels bespoke rather than off-the-shelf.

Find out as much as you can about the audience. These are the basic questions you must ask:

· Who are they? (Salesmen, accountants, managers, children, convicts)
· What is the age range and the nationality split?
· How big is the audience?
· Do they expect to have an extended Q & A session?
· Will they be having any other presentations from other people before or after you?
· How long do they expect your presentation to be?
· What do they already know about your subject?
· What do they need to know about your subject?
· What are the main business concerns that this group has?
· Will there be any particularly important decision-makers present?
· Is there a way of ensuring the attendance of a crucial decision-maker?

It should be very easy to find out the answers to these questions. Simply ask the organiser of the event or your contact at the client company. They should be impressed by your desire for in-depth knowledge.

Don’t just rely on your primary contact. Speak to members of your audience several days before hand if you possibly can. Ask them what they would like to get out of your presentation: most people are flattered to be asked.
You may also know someone who has addressed this group in the past. He may be able to tell you about any disturbing audience quirks e.g. a hatred of visual aids or humour.

When the audience is very small (4 people or less) you should be able to find out the names of each person and talk to all of them in advance (or their PA). It is very unlikely that a potential audience member will say to you, "No – I don’t wish to give you any guidance on what I need to get from your presentation."

Only after asking the right questions is it possible to prepare the right presentation for your audience. It is in their interest to help you.

2008-02-06T12:41:00.003Z

American Business Presenters
By Graham Davies

Americans are exposed to high pressure presentations at an early age: their so called “show and tell” presentations at school. I think that toughens them up.

In general, Americans are better presenters. They are:

1. Well-prepared
2. Confident
3. Concise

Here, 1 leads to 2 which leads to 3.

No presentation has ever failed because of too much preparation. If you know you haven’t prepared well enough, you are right to feel less than confident. And, if you are confident you have selected the right material, you will be appropriately brief.

America is the home of the sound bite and the 10 second commercial. Americans know that they cannot keep the attention pf a business audience for long.

Some European presenters say, with a sneer, “American presenters are too slick, too polished.”

Frankly, this is just jealousy. European audiences have sat through too much PowerPoint Prozac. They would love to see some American Polish.

2008-01-10T12:36:00.001Z

Immediate Apology
By Graham Davies

The Bellagio Casino is classy in everything that is does including the way its staff communicates. I got back to my room at 11:30 one night to discover that the air conditioning was not working and the room was uncomfortably warm. I immediately phoned Housekeeping to ask them to sort it out. They told me that they would inform Maintenance. Twenty minutes later, I was still sitting in stifling heat so I phoned Housekeeping again and asked to be put directly through to Maintenance. The lady at the other end of the phone said, “It’s not our policy to put guests through to the Maintenance department.”

This annoyed me, so I asked to speak to the Duty Manager. Once I described the situation, he immediately said, “I really am very sorry for the inconvenience you have been caused. I realise that you must be sitting in a very warm room and all you want to do is get some sleep. Would you please accept with my compliments a $100 credit on your room account? I will get someone to your room immediately.”

Four minutes later, a very chirpy fellow with a big box of tools appeared at my door and it took him about 90 seconds to solve the problem.

The Duty Manager had done everything right:

· He immediately acknowledged that the service I had received was not good enough.
· He graciously apologised for this.
· He took immediate action.

As far as I was concerned, he did not need to offer me the monetary compensation, but I was delighted by the gesture anyway.

When you are at the receiving end of someone presenting a genuine grievance, immediate acknowledgement and sympathy are vital…unless you do not wish to admit that you or your company are at fault in any way. Lack of acknowledgement will inevitably mean that the conversation will become a confrontation.

I suggest that the communication style of the Bellagio is something that most companies should aspire to.

2007-12-10T13:28:00.001Z

Are You Choosing the Best Speaker?
By Graham Davies

Good Guest Speakers are expensive – mainly because there are so few of them. Despite your many years of business experience, a speaker may be a commodity you have never even thought of purchasing before. But you must ask yourself: “How can I be sure he is worth the money I am paying?”

The only way to ensure that you get a positive answer to this question is to book a truly professional speaker.

There are hundreds of people who speak for money. Very few are genuinely professional. A professional speaker is someone who takes the business and craft of speaking very seriously. It is not someone who has stumbled into speaking for money because he is famous for something else.

Here are the questions you need to ask yourself:

“Am I attracted to this speaker because I have seen him on TV?”
Speaking and TV presenting are very different activities involving fundamentally different skills. A speaker does not have the safety net of an auto-cue, an ear-piece and on-site script writers. There are no re-takes or commercial breaks. He is on his own. What may have seemed amusing through a camera lens may have been artificially boosted by canned laughter. Remember that the “spontaneous” wit of “Have I Got News For You?” and “ Never Mind The Buzzcocks” has all been carefully rehearsed and then read off a tele-prompt. A speaker must be able to perform without the magical illusions of the TV studio.

“Am I attracted to this speaker because he is a famous businessman?”
Chief Executives earn their money by being good at running companies. They are not necessarily good speakers. Some are very poor indeed. (even if they have a knighthood). Many famous Captains of Industry are only capable of presenting a sequence of corporate clichés and tired anecdotes. Business credentials are not the same as speaking credentials.

“Am I attracted to this speaker because he is a famous sportsman?”
Professional sportsmen are remarkably focused. They impose a brutally Spartan regime on themselves, sometimes over a 20 year period. Without this focused commitment, they have no chance of success. But it is the same focus that often means that communication is a real challenge for them. Kicking a football or sailing a boat do not involve speaking to an audience. Several sporting speakers have successfully made the transition to paid speaking. Are you sure that their speaking skills are as focused as their sporting skills?

“Does he have a track record?”
Make sure that he has both a long term and a short term track record. By that I mean a sequence of recent engagements as well as engagements in past years. Ideally, you should have a speaker who has some years of experience combined with current popularity. Your chosen speaker should be able to list 20 blue-chip clients that he has spoken for within the last 12 months. Make certain that these were speaking engagements and not just personal appearances or making a corporate video.

“Does he have a good collection of testimonial letters?”
Actually, I mean a brilliant collection of testimonial letters. Clients are always very happy – and relieved – when a guest speaker performs well. They are usually very happy to express that gratitude in writing. Your speaker should have dozens of these letters that you can look at. Again, make sure that they refer to speaking engagements. Ask whether you can phone 3 recent clients for a frank chat. If the speaker is defensive about this, your alarm bells should start to ring. A truly professional speaker will be proud to give you access to previous ecstatic clients.

“Is there a video available?”
Yet again, I do mean a speaking video. An extract from his appearance on “Wogan” is no evidence that the speaker can captivate your salesforce. A video may be the whole of one speech or an edited showreel of the speaker in several live corporate presenting situations. An edited showreel is preferable because it shows:
1. Adaptability;
2. A track record;
3. That the speaker is doing well enough to afford several thousand pounds to create the showreel.

I do not recommend asking the speaker if you can go to another corporate event to see him in action. It is always awkward for the speaker to arrange this with the other client. Also, when he is performing, he should only have the needs of that client in his mind. He should not be thinking of “auditioning” to satisfy you and your company’s needs. A professional video is an excellent illustration of a speaker’s professionalism.

Booking a great speaker does not have to be a process which relies mainly on luck. Whether your potential choice is relatively unknown, famous, or infamous, you must check that he has:

An impressive client list;
Brilliant testimonials;
Outstanding video footage.

Only then will you have the evidence to decide in his favour. Otherwise, you will be guilty of leaving too much to chance.